Best of HN: Songs About Horses: ‘Dressage Girls’

Tweaking lyrics is a time-honored tradition at Horse Nation — every December we love to re-release our re-imagined Christmas carols so we can all sing about our equestrian problems in the holiday season, for example.

This song, performed by Tom White O’Connor, however, might just take the cake. Accompanied by a video by Joseph Newcomb, Tom croons away about the perils of falling in love with an equestrian. And not just any equestrian — a dressage girl.

Without further ado:

The lyrics, if you’d like to sing along again:

Dressage girls are easy to love, they’re just hard to afford
They ride big fancy horses that cost more than most Porsches, I’m sure
Saddles and bridles and vet bills and clinics
You say “darlin’ we just can’t go on”
Then she rolls those brown eyes and your heart nearly dies
It’s time for a new credit card.

Daddies, don’t your let your daughters turn into dressage girls
Don’t let ’em ride warmbloods that cost way too much
Let ’em play softball and soccer and such
Daddies, don’t your let your daughters turn into dressage girls
You’ll lose ’em for sure, for dressage there’s no cure
You’ll be left mucking their stall.

(So good. Oh, but wait, the second verse gets better. Way better.)

Dressage girls ride horses in shows like you’ve never seen
They ride sideways and backwards and all alphabetically
There’re no cattle or ropin’, barrels or whoopin’
The crowd’s quiet like a Sunday church hall
You’ll be proud just to see her, even if you can’t figure what the hell she’s a doin’ out there.

(BRB DYING.)

Daddies, don’t your let your daughters turn into dressage girls
Don’t let ’em ride warmbloods that cost way too much
Let ’em play softball and soccer and such
Daddies, don’t your let your daughters turn into dressage girls
You’ll lose ’em for sure, for dressage there’s no cure
You’ll be left mucking their stall.

Truer words have never been sung. (“They ride sideways and backwards and all alphabetically” — GENIUS.) We’re officially adding this one to our Horse Nation playlist.

Go riding!

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