Best of HN: Texts and Calls Only Equestrians Receive

We have our own lingo in the horse world and often if the real world were a part of our equestrian conversations, there would be quite a bit of confusion. Here are a few things that we wouldn’t be able to explain to our non-horsey friends…

Bowel Movement-Related Messages

(Because horse people are OBSESSED with poop…)

“What does her poop look like?”

“Did she poop today?”

“We have poop!” (With a photo for proof, of course.)


Equine Nutrition Facts

“Don’t give the gray horse anything. He is on a diet. He will act like he’s dying but I think he ate another one of the ponies…”

“Did he have his beer with breakfast?” (For a horse with anhidrosis)


From the Medical Perspective

“You used ALL those enemas?”

“Your herpes test is still positive.”

“I just sent a check for semen and have never been more excited!”

“Your girl is pregnant!”

“Does this look normal?” (Usually accompanied by a photo; bonus points if it’s a photo of genitalia).

“When I was in high school, I thought my horse might be pregnant so I just rode her down the street to the vet clinic to have her tested. She ended up being pregnant. The vet later left a voicemail on my house phone that said, ‘This is Dr. Dalmy calling to talk to Morgan about her pregnancy test today.’ My mother heard this message and freaked out thinking I was pregnant.”

“I think your girl horse is sick. She is chasing the boy around and squirting him with her butt…”


Auto-Correct Wasn’t Correct

“Meant to ask my friend how much her hock x-ray was… autocorrect stepped in and changed hock to something that rhymes with hock and starts with a C.”

“Was using talk to text to tell a client to go get my horse Petey ready… talk to text thought I said to go get a certain part of the male anatomy ready….”


Pure Randomness

“Pat her on the butt and tell her good job”

“Who is this horse and why is she here?”

“Do you want a sheet on him or should I leave him naked?”

“My boyfriend wanted to give my horse a treat, so he texted me a photo of two horses in a field and asked which one was mine. The answer was neither…”


Share your own weird equestrian texts in the comments section! Go riding.

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