Blogger Contest Round One: Ash Hayworth

We announced the six Blogger Contest finalists this week, and now we’re bringing you each submission from Round 1 here on Bloggers Row. We will be posting all six entries over the next few days, so be sure to check them out and leave your feedback in the comments.

All entries will be reprinted without editing for fairness’ sake. Thanks again for your support and readership, EN! We are thrilled to have such quality entries yet again this year.

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First off, let me just say that I’ve won a whopping 7% of all the shows I’ve ever entered, so obviously I’m a credible source.

Some people may try to tell you that the way to win is to have the best trainer or the best horse or the best attitude. I’m here to tell you that you don’t need all that. In fact, by regularly completing these four easy tasks, you’ll be bringing home the blue in no time!

1) Write words of encouragement all over your arms everyday

All over them. Grab a sharpie and get to work. Anytime you feel down, just look down! Horse bucked you off? Your arms say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Got a bad distance into the triple combination? Your arms say, “Your hair looks great today!” Feeling tired and struggling to get out of bed in the morning? Your arms say, “While you just lie there, somebody else is training to beat you!”

2) Assemble a shrine

A shrine to all those pesky dressage judges who we all try so desperately to please. I find that assembling a shrine with leather scented candles and a significantly sized collection of Breyer figurines around the photographs of all of my potential dressage judges improves my score by at least five points. I also find that keeping a bouquet of flowers on the shrine further improves my score, though be sure to only place bouquets of daffodils or red carnations on the shrine or who knows what will happen!

3) Make horse treats

But not just any horse treats. Make horse treats with fairy dust. That’s right, fairy dust (or edible glitter, it’s the same thing, really). These magical treats are sure to give your horse literal wings. Visible wings? Probably not, but I swear that they are there. Trust me, you won’t question anything after those double clear stadium rounds.

4) The ‘Braveheart’ speech

You know the one. I find that in those two or so minutes that I spend circling the start box before my cross country ride, when I maybe feel just a bit like puking over the side of my horse’s neck, the best way to calm my nerves and really get my head back into the game is to shout this speech out to both myself and my steed. The Scottish accent is a requirement, by the way. This is the epitome of motivation.

It’s foolproof, I swear. Just make sure to give me credit when you make it big-time.

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