Let It Go!

Skybreaker 2014 Skybreaker 2014

For the past month I have been obsessively listening to Walt Disney’s “Let It Go,” the version by Alex Boye (Africanized Tribal Cover) One Voice Children’s Choir. I got hooked one day when my niece made me watch the movie Frozen. Look it up on YouTube if you feel so inclined.

While five of you, or five hundred of you, depending on who actually cares to read my blog, might be laughing right now, or rolling their eyes at the sheer thought of an adult listening to an over played kids song, I could care less. Mostly I could care less because I grew up watching classic musicals, and Broadway shows and have been ridiculed for most of my life for enjoying such classics. As a kid, I fell asleep listening to Fred Astaire, Judy Garland and Audrey Hepburn. I love music, all shades of it, and this is who I am.

Back to “Let It Go”…recently I started thinking about the end of the season. How could I not? My last event was the Maryland Horse Trials at Loch Moy last weekend, and my season could not have ended on a more positive note, which I feel incredibly fortunate about.

I also had a very interesting jump school several days ago, where Denny said “You are riding really well…this is a new Lila Gendal.” I almost fell over when those words came out of his mouth. Of course he asked me how this happened and I sat there on Skybreaker completely stunned like a deer in the headlights.

Part of me was ecstatic for having such an awesome last event of the year and for finally riding well in front of the one and only Denny Emerson. The other part of me was incredibly disappointed in myself for not riding better for the past eight years. Some people are naturals, and although I think I have come a long way, I am most certainly not a natural. Everything that I have done, and all the skills I have acquired have been drilled, practiced and totally manufactured.

I find it incredibly fascinating that the biggest compliment of my life had me twisting and turning all night. The fact that I am riding pretty well now means that I was not riding very well in the past and that notion alone was crushing. I know Denny was not intending on crushing my confidence and as a man, he was probably not looking at double meanings, or hidden connotations, though unfortunately for me and my genetic makeup, I found a way to twist a compliment into a rather large insult.

Skybreaker July 2014

 

The only reason why that jump school was partially upsetting was because I am desperate to become a great rider. I practice and I work REALLY hard at this sport. Riding, competing, and training is literally all I think about day in and day out. I think about how I need to finesse my position over fences. I think about how my timing on the flat needs improving. I think about my fitness and my horses fitness. I think about it all. I care so much about my horses and this sport, that it almost blinds me at times. In fact, I probably am my own worst enemy….just ask my mentors!

Time to “Let It Go.” Because I have a predisposition to obsessive compulsive behavior, letting things go is not exactly in my vocabulary. I belabor on certain points, I become fixated and almost blind sighted at times and getting a grip is easier said than done. For instance, a “bad” jump school leads to days of frustration. Getting yelled at or being picked apart in a lesson and I feel like the lowest layer of dirt imaginable. I’m sure there are others out there who carry the world on their shoulders like myself, where slight disappointment has a long lasting effect.

I actually recall this coming up in conversation recently with a fellow eventing peer. We were discussing the importance of thinking about something a lot, particularly cross country, and the fact that this phase requires thoughtful decisions and thoughtful riding, which means that a fair amount of planning and decision making must go into the equation before executing.

On the other hand, we can’t belabor this phase to the point of diminishing return. In fact, in some ways, we need to think extensively about xc, and we also need to not think about it all. At a certain point, we have to shut up, kick on and go jump the jumps! There needs to be a happy medium.

Even though I literally put everything I have into this life and my horses, I am trying really hard to Let It Go. I think the ability to let it go at times will only make me a better rider, trainer and competitor. One of the hardest pieces to this mind boggling puzzle is first recognizing that you do take life too literally at times, and need to step back and chill out in a matter of speaking.

We can plan, we can analyze and we harp on certain subjects, but sometimes we need to relax and press reboot. Sometimes we just need to Let It Go!

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