What are you thankful for this year? That’s the question we asked EN readers for the 2018 Thanksgiving Challenge from World Equestrian Brands, and your responses were numerous and heartfelt. Over the holiday weekend, we are honored to share your special stories. You can view an archive of the stories here.
Photo courtesy of Lucky Finn Photography.
I could feel all the adrenaline, pride and passion build up inside my body, ready to be released. As we approached that final jump, found the perfect distance, and soared over it and past the finish line, it all hit me. I bent down to hug Baloo’s neck, tears stinging my eyes. The amount of pride and gratitude I felt in that moment was unlike anything I’ve ever felt in my life. That was why I started riding again — because nothing else in my life had ever made me feel that amount of passion.
As I began to think about how lucky I was to be doing what I was doing, and how proud I was to have accomplished the goal that I just accomplished, I had to hold back tears. I had just completed my first recognized event on my dressage score, in second place. It may not seem like much, and I’ll agree, it’s not huge. But it’s something that had been my goal for four years — four years with three different horses, six different trainers, three different barns, a year-long break from riding, and a lot of fear and doubt — which made this very small goal seem as huge as competing in the Olympics. Because accomplishing this goal made me realize something so much bigger. It made me realize I was so thankful for quitting.
Photo courtesy of Melinda Dennehy.
The reason why I stopped riding was because I doubted myself, I doubted my ability to succeed, I doubted my passion, I doubted my ability to overcome nerves and fear. And the reason why I started riding again was because I regretted giving up. I regretted giving up on this sport that is my passion, and the goals that motivated me everyday to keep pushing through life. I regretted so much giving up on all my goals, as small and short term as completing a recognized event or moving up to Novice, and as big as completing a four-star or representing the USA on a team.
But as much as I resented myself for giving up on my goals and for being a quitter, something I never thought I’d be, I’m thankful I gave up. I’m thankful I gave up early on when I didn’t have much to give up or lose out on. Because giving up made me realize that I never ever, under any circumstances, ever want to do that again. Completing my first recognized made me realize that the regret is so not worth being safe and taking the easy way out. It made me realize that accomplishing my goals is worth all the heartbreak and disappointment. It made me realize that no matter how big my goals may seem, and how scared I may be to chase them, I’m going to do it anyway so that I never feel that regret again.
Photo courtesy of Melinda Dennehy.
I’m thankful for quitting because it’s made me a better rider and a different person. I’m one who works harder and has more determination. Sure, I may doubt myself from time to time, but who doesn’t? At the end of the day, watch me get knocked to the ground and I’ll get up fighting. Witness me fight through any obstacle I come to. I haven’t lost my desire to succeed in this sport even after long days working in 110 degree weather and 10 degree weather, in torrential downpours, thunderstorms and snow. I haven’t changed my mind even after falls and setbacks. I want this sport and everything that comes with it, I want the heartbreak and setbacks, I want the pride and the accomplishments. I want the hard work and the pain, I want the adrenaline and the tears of joy. I would rather fall off a million times, get eliminated at every show, break every bone in my body, muck stalls until my hands bleed, and work until my body gives out, than ever feel the regret that I had when I gave up on my dreams the first time.
Photo courtesy of Melinda Dennehy.
I’m thankful I gave up and for a year lost out on what it’s like to walk into the barn and feel like I’m home, and to laugh hysterically with my barn family at 7pm in 20 degree weather, because you really can’t get through what we get through without a little insanity. I’m glad I got to realize that there is nowhere I’d rather be at 4 a.m. on a Sunday morning than getting ready for a show, or at 8 p.m. on a Friday night than at the barn. I’m glad I got to realize that, yes, this sport is full of very high highs and very low lows, but that they’re so worth it. It’s a sport of disappointment and heartbreak. It’s a sport where one tiny miscalculation can end in elimination, serious injury, and sometimes even worse. It’s full of refusals, rails, spooks, horrible dressage scores, falls, and elimination. There are days where you feel like you’re on top of the world, and days where you find yourself literally laying on the ground. There are days you bring home ribbons, and days where you bring home dirt stained breeches. There are days where everything seems to be going perfectly, and days where you can’t get your horse to stop spooking for even half a lap around the arena. But those moments are what make the good ones so worth it.
So this year, after all the highs and lows, there’s nothing I could possibly be more thankful for than this sport, my horse, and for giving up that one time. I’m thankful for the drive and determination I have to succeed in this sport. I’m thankful for the sport that gives me a reason to exist, the sport that makes me who I am more than anything else in the world. I’m thankful for the sport that gives me a clear purpose in life, as I know I would be lost in life without it. I’m thankful for the overwhelming fire inside my soul that seems to ignite everytime I step in the barn, sit on my horse or think about my goals. This year I’m thankful for my passion that brought me back to this sport, and that continues to fuel me everyday. I’m thankful I gave up, so I could finally see once how strong that passion is, once and for all.
