Haven’t you people heard one lousy, dadgum thing I’ve been telling you for the last 50 years? [Photo from ChicagoEquestrian.blogspot.com]
God bless George Morris. You’ve gotta love that guy. He’s probably the crotchetiest, most cantankerous trainer in all of North America, but you’ve got to hand it to him–he’s earned the right. Here are some of my favorite Chuck Norris George Morris jokes:
George Morris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
George Morris won the Maclay Medal Finals, on a unicorn.
George Morris once uppercut a horse. That horse is now a giraffe.
George Morris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like George Morris.
Well stock up on popcorn, kids, because Uncle George is coming to a laptop screen near you. That’s right, America’s hunt-seat legend is older and crankier than ever, and he’s ready to open a can of whoop-ass on the young’uns at next week’s George H. Morris Horsemastership Training Session. And–wait for it–the USEF Network is going to broadcast the morning riding sessions live. Nuggets of training genius drenched in the thinly-veiled anger of a man who doesn’t understand why people are still riding badly after all these years–now that’s entertainment!
The training sessions take place from Jan. 3-8 at the Palm Beach International Equestrian Center in Wellington. Videos of last year’s sessions, which contain priceless gems like George screaming “See-sawing the reins is GARBAGE!” and his classic refrain of “Sloppy! Sloppy!! SLOPPY!!!,” are still available online if you want to pre-party this weekend. [USEF Network]
Not much else happening in the horse world, but I’ll recap the highlights:
Hockey! Bacon! Helmets! That’s right–Canada is a leader in many things, and safe dressage headgear is now officially among them. Safety helmets will become mandatory for all levels of dressage in Canada beginning January 1, 2012. “I believe we are the first national federation to introduce this rule across all levels,” said Equine Canada president Michael Gallagher, “and I can guarantee we will not be the last, eh.” (He didn’t actually say “eh.” I edited that part in.) [H&H]
Ex-racehorses in New York may soon have something to look forward post-retirement–and it’s not bingo or water aerobics. The New York State Task Force on Retired Racehorses suggested that .5 percent of revenue generated from video lottery terminals, along with .5 percent of purse earnings, help fund the rehabilitation and re-training of ex-racehorses. [COTH]
On Christmas day in Scotland, a horse named Herbie got stuck in a bog. Firefighters came to the rescue and, a few friction burns aside, Herbie emerged from the muck as good as new. “He got his Christmas Day treat of parsnips as well as a bath to wash off the mud,” said the owner. Charming. [Horsetalk]
On a vaguely related note, a Maryland eventer-blogger discovers an artifact that reminds her of a nosedive she and her horse took earlier this year… into a sinkhole. On course. At an event. Horse-eating cross-country courses, colic scares–here’s sending some EN karma for 2012 your way, Abby. You’ve earned it. [Sandpiper Diary]
As for the rest of you: You didn’t ask for it, and you probably don’t want it, but we’re gonna give it to you anyway.
