Classic Eventing Nation

Rolex Insta Remix: Four-Star Baby Sightings

Aubrey Davidson and Nox Martin are the Blue Ivy Carter (by Jay Z out of Beyoncé) and Saint West (by Kanye West out of Kim Kardashian) of the eventing world.

Who are they wearing? How are their parents going to one-up the $75,000 Arabian Bey and Jay bought Blue Ivy for her second birthday? No joke: Horse Nation reported on it on a slow news day here.

The babes — Nox is seven months old, while Aubrey is still just a month-and-a-half into life on earth — made their Rolex debut last week, and nobody was better dressed. Although these girls gave them a run for their money:

Best dressed #RK3DE fans so far! #babiesinboots

A photo posted by Rolex Kentucky Three-Day Event (@rk3de_official) on

Fly. Nox and Aubrey, though… does it get any cuter than this?

  Nox Martin is dressed to the nines to cheer on his Dad – helmet, tails and all! #rk3de   A photo posted by @useventing on

Well, OK, while not in the baby category this is pretty much the most adorable ever, too:

Of course, you don’t have to have a four-star pedigree to be a future four-star rider. Here are few young riders we’ll sure be keeping an eye out for in coming years!

Future Rolex riders!! Good luck to all the teams running up in Kentucky! #rk3de #horses #horsesofinstagram #hiddenacres #ponyclub A photo posted by HART_for_Adoption (@hart_for_adoption) on

And ESPECIALLY this little stinker — pretty sure he’s coming for us all!

Future rolex competitor! #rk3de #rolex #eventinglife #eventing #xc #eventinglive A photo posted by Raina King (@rainers) on

  Future event rider! #eventinglife #eventing #rk3de A photo posted by Raina King (@rainers) on

Go Eventing.

Vote for This Year’s Rolex Top Dog, Presented by World Equestrian Brands

Mop dog, the first. Photo by Leslie Wylie. Mop dog, the first. Photo by Leslie Wylie.

Rolex is almost as big of a deal for the dog attendees as it is for their human counterparts. Everywhere you can look, there’s a different dog taking in the sights (and smells).

We’ve long honored the dogs who attend Rolex with their horse-obsessed humans, and it’s no surprise that our Rolex Top Dog contest is always a popular one!

Thanks to our awesome sponsor, World Equestrian Brands, this year’s prize is a beautiful Veritas Fancy Raised Figure-8 Bridle from World Equestrian Brands.

The Veritas Figure-8 Bridle features unparalled luxurious padding on the single crown piece, select premium leather and stainless steel buckles. These bridles are designed for superior comfort, style and performance.

Photo courtesy of World Equestrian Brands.

Photo courtesy of World Equestrian Brands.

So without further ado, here are your finalists for this year’s Top Dog! Vote for your favorite to determine the winner. The poll will close at 5 p.m. on Friday, May 6.

1. This well-prepared pooch spotted by Susannah Lewis.

Photo submitted by Susannah Lewis.

Photo submitted by Susannah Lewis.

2. Robin Corr’s Dorsey is a jump decoration!

Photo submitted by Robin Corr.

Photo submitted by Robin Corr.

3. Rachel Leneweaver’s Indy is quite the scopey pup. We see a four-star in his future!

Photo submitted by Rachel Leneweaver.

Photo submitted by Rachel Leneweaver.

4. Lucy was giving rides to the cross country course!

Photo submitted by Jennifer Durden.

Photo submitted by Beth Durden.

5. Xena is another bold dog who’s ready to tackle her first Rolex!

Photo submitted by Cheryl Parsons.

Photo submitted by Cheryl Parsons.

2018 World Equestrian Games Facing Uphill Battle as Board Members Resign

The beautiful Bromont sign. Photo via EN Archives. The beautiful Bromont sign. Photo via EN Archives.

The 2018 Bromont World Equestrian Games are on shaky ground in the midst of five board members resigning over the weekend, including CEO Luc Fournier and Chairman François Duffar. Board members Julie Payette, Rene Perreault and Linda Heathcott also resigned.

This is the second CEO resignation for the Games in as many years. The original CEO Paul Côté resigned less than a year after he was hired, and now Luc Fournier has followed suit, resigning eight months after filling the position.

The Bromont 2018 Organizing Committee (COJEM) released a statement explaining the resignations:

“Faced with a number of issues since the beginning of their respective mandates, the two leaders came to the conclusion that, without major changes and the reiteration of their strong support from all partners and stakeholders, they will not be able to deliver and to stage the Games as planned in two years.

“They therefore resigned from their positions, both for professional reasons and in the hope of delivering a necessary wake up call.”

Luc Fournier, who has more than 30 years of experience in organizing major sporting events in Canada, spoke candidly to La Voix de l’Est, Bromont’s regional newspaper, about his decision to resign: “I reached the conclusion that I will not be able to deliver a quality product … It will take someone better equipped than me to do it.”

Luc told La Voix de l’Est that the financial terms set forth by the FEI to fund the Games also had spurred him to resign: “We also told FEI was asked repeatedly to ease its financing terms. And this is only one example among many. We give them money, but in turn, they have no responsibility.”

The budget for the 2018 WEG is estimated at about $95 million in all, and the current amount that has been raised falls far short of that hefty total. Horse-Canada.com has a detailed breakdown of the Games budget here (note that this article was published prior to Luc’s resignation).

Luc said he also resigned in part due to an ongoing feud between COJEM and the Agricultural Society of Shefford County (SACS), which is overseeing the planning and construction of the infrastructure for the Games: “We must speak with one voice, have the same vision.”

Bromont’s Mayor Pauline Quinlan said she still believes that the city can successfully host the Games: “I believed and I still believe. We will hope that this shock brings all stakeholders to sit down and see if it is possible …”

The FEI Bureau voted unanimously in June 2014 to award the 2018 World Equestrian Games to Bromont, which beat out Lexington, Kentucky as the only other contender.

It originally looked like the Games would automatically be awarded to Bromont, as the remaining bid countries had all withdrawn their applications by January 2013. But the FEI reopened the bid process in July 2013 due to concerns that Bromont would not be able to secure the financial support necessary to host the Games.

Now, nearly three years later, the Games are indeed facing financial hurdles in addition to organizational and infrastructure challenges. The remaining five board members are pressing on, and Horse-Canada.com reported that new Interim CEO Rosaire Houde is “optimistic about the future.”

COJEM is expected to approve new board members and leadership roles within the Organizing Committee this week.

[Mass Resignations from 2018 WEG Bromont]

Wednesday News & Notes from SmartPak

Mandiba meeting his new friend Custom Made to start his retirement. Photo by Sue Clark. Mandiba meeting his new friend Custom Made to start his retirement. Photo by Sue Clark.

There was something magical and perfect about the idea of the Fab Four roaming together in retirement. Four old men, Biko, Custom Made, Prince Panache, and Giltedge, trading stories and harassing youngsters. Oh, the tales they could have told! It’s almost as if Batman, Superman, Spiderman, and Iron Man got old together and sat around telling war stories at some lucky nursing home. With Custom Made the last remaining member, he needed another companion to be his bucket list partner, and Mandiba stepped up to the plate. Now Batman and Robin will spend their days reminiscing.

U.S. Weekend Preview:

King Oak Farm Spring H.T. [Website] [Entry Status] [Ride Times]

MCTA H.T. [Website] [Entry Status/Ride Times]

Heart of the Carolinas 3D & H.T. [Website] [Entry Status] [Ride Times]

Poplar Place Farm May H.T. [Website] [Entry Status]

Greenwood Farm H.T. [Website] [Entry Status/Ride Times]

Penny Oaks H.T. [Website] [Entry Status] [Ride Times]

The Event at Skyline H.T. [Website] [Entry Status/Ride Times]

We’d like to extend a big, huge EN congratulations to Ally Ault, who correctly picked the winner of this year’s Rolex Kentucky! While that feat alone isn’t all that surprising (let’s face it, almost everyone picked Michael Jung to win!), she guessed that his score would be a 39.3, just a mere .1 off from his actual winning score of 39.2. We’re impressed, Ally!

For her efforts, Ally will win a great prize pack from our sponsor, Omega Alpha:

  • 1 gallon of Sinew-X Pus HA (Joint, Muscle & ligament formula with Hyaluronic acid and no MSM)
    1-500ml RegenerEQ (appetite stimulant and G.I. regenerator)
    6 tubes of Chill Ultra (calming with focus for the mind while relaxing the muscles) … and more!

Congratulations, Ally!

As if running a Classic Three-Day isn’t enough, Waredaca Farm has also stepped up to fight breast cancer. At the fall event, held during Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Waredaca Farm will hold ‘3-2-1-Go! End Breast Cancer’ in an effort to raise funds to benefit the Johns Hopkins Breast Center in Baltimore. Their first fundraiser will be held May 19th, at the Waredaca Brewing Company. A dollar of every pint sold plus tips and silent auction will be donated to the cause. [Fundraiser at Waredaca Brewing Company]

Chronicle correspondent Lisa Slade begged was picked to go to Badminton to witness the potential Grand Slam. The Chronicle wasn’t planning on sending anyone originally to Badminton, but with Michael Jung poised to make history, someone had to go. Enter Lisa Slade, who has no kids, no farm, a tolerant husband and less-tolerant dog, heading to England by the grace of one shady plane ticket. [To London, With 24 Hours Notice]

Despite his wealth of experience, Boyd is a first-timer at Badminton. After Master Frisky has to stay home with a case of cellulitis, Cracker Jack is now Boyd’s sole entry for his first Badminton attempt. Cracker Jack was originally bred, owned, and ridden by Colin Davidson, who tragically died in a car accident in 2010. Although his mother Lucy Boynton sent the horse to Boyd to be sold, she enjoyed watching him compete so much that she decided to keep the horse competing with him. [Badminton First-Timers]

SmartPak Product of the Day: Sometimes you need a little help to stay in the saddle and Tack Up Grip Spray can be that extra help. With the winter definitively over and everyone shaking out their eventing kits, it’s time to double check your supplies and make sure your spray isn’t running on empty. [SmartPak]

It’s been three years since Michael and Sam attempted Badminton. Here’s a recap of how that went.

The Fork Moving to Tryon International Equestrian Center in 2017

Maya Black and Doesn't Play Fair at The Fork 2016. Photo by Jenni Autry. Maya Black and Doesn't Play Fair at The Fork 2016. Photo by Jenni Autry.

Jim and Bernadette Cogdell just announced that The Fork International Horse Trials will be relocated to Tryon International Equestrian Center in Mill Spring, North Carolina, starting in 2017.

“We have proudly hosted The Fork Horse Trials for 15 years, and it has grown into one of the premier horse trials in the United States. We are very proud of what we have created in North Carolina,” Jim Cogdell said.

“It has taken a great deal of time, effort, passion, and funding to create this event, and it is now time for the next chapter in this competition’s history. We believe that moving the location of this event to the TIEC will secure its future and elevate the level of competition while enhancing the fan experience.”

The change of venue and location has received provisional approval from the USEF Eventing Committee. The move is now contingent on a site inspection and cross country course approval. Capt. Mark Phillips is designing the new cross country course at Tryon, which will also be used for the American Eventing Championships.

“We are proud to partner with Mark and Katherine Bellissimo and the team at the TIEC to produce this event,” Jim said. “We believe this partnership will help the event to thrive and provide a quality final outing leading up to Rolex, which is so important to the success of our four-star competitors. We want the legacy to continue and keep the event moving forward with The Fork at TIEC.”

Mark Bellissimo of Tryon Equestrian Partners added: “The eventing community has seen the Cogdells’ vision and leadership create a very special competition at The Fork. It is one of the finest events in the country, and we look forward to hosting it at TIEC. We are also very pleased to announce that Jim will remain the Chairman of The Fork at TIEC.”

Tryon International Equestrian Center opened in June 2014 with sanctioned horse shows and 10 riding arenas, 850 permanent stalls, a covered riding facility and fitness center. Future expansion includes a sports complex, two hotels, sporting clay course and an 18-hole golf course plus a full calendar of equestrian competitions and activities.

What do you think of the new move, EN?

[The Fork International CIC */**/*** & Horse Trials Moves to Tryon International Equestrian Center in 2017]

Caitlyn Fischer’s Family: ‘Horses Loved Her and She Loved Them’

Caitlyn Fischer and Ralphie, taken April 2016. Photo by Stephen Mowbray Photography.

Caitlyn Fischer and Ralphie, taken April 2016. Photo by Stephen Mowbray Photography.

Caitlyn Fischer’s family has released a statement following her death on Saturday, April 30, while competing in the CCI* at Sydney International Horse Trials.

Tragically, 19-year-old Caitlyn, of Victoria, Australia, fell at fence two on cross country with Ralphie, her 12-year-old Thoroughbred cross gelding. She received urgent medical attention by the on-course paramedic and doctor but was unable to be revived. Ralphie did not sustain any serious injuries.

The statement, written by her mother Ailsa Carr, father Mark Fischer and brother Kristofer Fischer, reads:

“Our daughter and sister Caitlyn was a gifted, spirited and quietly determined young woman. Always striving to do her best, Caitlyn was an exemplary school student and disciplined horse rider. Caitlyn’s horses loved her and she loved them in return.

For Caitlyn it was never about the ribbons or accolades, in fact she had a dislike for having her name or photograph in the paper. For Caitlyn, the aim was always to improve on her last performance and she was fortunate to work with some phenomenal coaches through her riding career.

The main boy in her life was her best friend Ralphie and as a family we were so proud of the dedication that Caitlyn showed her horses. Even during her final year of school Caitlyn would wake at 4:30 every morning to make sure ‘Ralph’ was exercised and fed. We are pleased that Ralphie did not sustain any serious injuries and will be able to return home soon.

Our hearts are aching for our daughter and we have been overwhelmed by the support extended to us from members of our extended family, the horse riding and school communities.”

Caitlyn and Ralphie started competing at the one-star level last year, completing five CIC* competitions in all. They most recently finished seventh in the CIC* at Equestriad Australia.

Caitlyn will be cremated at a private ceremony, and a service celebrating her life well be held in Bairnsdale in East Gippsland, Victoria, Australia, at a time and date to be announced.

The EN team continues to send our condolences to Caitlyn’s family, friends and all who knew and loved her. Our thoughts are also with the Australian eventing community, who have suffered another terrible loss so soon after losing 17-year-old Olivia Inglis on March 5.

[Caitlyn Fischer Dies at Sydney International Horse Trials]

Product Review: Medici Tall Boots from Tredstep Ireland

Tredstep's Medici Field Boots take comfort and style to a new level. Photo by Josh Autry. Tredstep's Medici Field Boots take comfort and style to a new level. Photo by Josh Autry.

Big news, EN! Tredstep Ireland has just added a new boot to the popular Renaissance Collection, and we had a chance to be one of the first to test the new Medici Tall Boots, which have just come onto the market. You’re definitely going to want to take a closer look to see all of the fantastic details firsthand because there’s a lot to love.

When Tredstep first introduced the concept of a tall boot that flexes with the rider’s leg, the idea that tall boots could be both comfortable and look stylish become an industry standard. I’m a longtime user of Tredstep’s boots primarily for this reason: They break in quickly and are comfortable enough to wear around the barn while also looking super in the show ring.

The details at the top of the Medici Tall Boots give them a fantastic high-end look. Photo by Josh Autry.

The details at the top of the Medici Tall Boots give them a high-end look. Photo by Josh Autry.

The Medici Tall Boots take Tredstep’s standards to the next level. Made from hand-sourced calfskin leather, the boots are designed with a specialized curved pattern that gives a close contact fit while creating a fantastic silhouette. Tredstep’s goal with the Medici Tall Boots was to enhance the natural shape of the rider’s leg, and they’ve definitely achieved that with this design.

While the boots are designed to keep that elegant silhouette, the full-length rear zipper along the back of the boots is also supported by a flexible spine that maintains the height and beautiful line of the boot. These are designed to make you look like a million bucks, and that’s definitely what you feel like when you’re wearing them.

How cool is the shiny patent detailing at the top of the Medici Dress Boots? Photo courtesy of Tredstep Ireland.

How cool is the shiny patent detailing at the top of the Medici Dress Boots? Photo courtesy of Tredstep Ireland.

That high-end feeling is enhanced even more by the styling at the top, which features the Tredstep logo and shiny patent detailing on on the dress boots. The square toes also give the boots a modern feel and adds to the competition-ready look, plus makes them more comfortable for your feet on long days.

The attention to detail doesn’t end there. The Medici Tall Boots are lined with full-grain leather and feature spur rests and zip guards. The stretch panel that runs the length of the back of the boots makes them extremely comfortable to wear and means you don’t have to struggle to zip them when you first wear them. They zipped up easily for me the first time.

If you’ve ever had the misfortune of popping a zipper on your boots, you also can rest easy knowing that the Medici Tall Boots use a #10 YKK zipper, which is the strongest zipper available on the market. It makes a huge difference having a good quality zipper on a boot, and you’ll notice the different from the first time you zip them up.

The TMI insoles in the Medici Tall Boots are quite simply life-changing. Photo courtesy of Tredstep Ireland.

The TMI insoles in the Medici Tall Boots are quite simply life-changing. Photo courtesy of Tredstep Ireland.

Last but not least, what really ups the comfortability factor in these boots are the TMI insoles, which are themo-molded and made of a flexible EVA foam compound that conforms to the shape of your foot to provide stability, support and a personalized fit.

This was the first time I’ve ever experienced the TMI insoles, and I can’t stress enough how wonderful they feel. If you struggle with foot fatigue, the Medici Tall Boots will help you immensely. If you’re shopping for new tall boots, you can’t go wrong with choosing these.

The Medici Tall Boots are available in a field boot with elastic laces or a dress boot in either black or brown. The boots retail at a price of $399.99. Click here to see a size chart and here to find a Tredstep retailer near you. The boots are also now available online at SmartPak.

Vote for the #TredstepPayItForward Challenge Winner

The Tredstep Solo Pro Coat and Interchangeable Collar. The Tredstep Solo Pro Coat and Interchangeable Collar.

Eventers are an inspiration, and this weekend was further proof of this. Last week, we introduced the Tredstep Ireland Pay It Forward challenge, where we invited you to nominate someone who has helped and inspired you during your riding career.

Both the nominee AND the person who nominates will receive a Tredstep Solo Pro Coat and Interchangeable Collar! The Solo Pro Coat is a uniquely tailored, traditional style jacket that combines innovative materials with performance enhancing features.

We’re excited to have had a lot of great entries, and we’ve made the difficult decision of narrowing the list down to 8 finalists. Take a look here and vote for your favorite in the poll below. Voting will close on Friday, May 6 at 5 p.m. EST, and we’ll announce the winner this weekend. Good luck to our finalists!

1. @eventingenzo

Nominating @jgeventing for @goeventing's #TredstepPayItForward ✨ Retraining my OTTB for eventing has been both the most rewarding and challenging experience I've had. Throughout all the ups and downs, Julia has been there to build me back up every time I doubt myself. She's listened to and read countless calls and texts to reassure me that Enzo has the talent and we can get to our goals. Choosing to send Enzo to Aiken, so far away from MA, was nerve wracking, but I felt so much better with Julia giving me daily updates on my boy. She's one of the only people besides my trainer that I trust the ride on Enzo to (I mean, look how good she makes him look!) and she's helped inspire me to not give up. I could honestly have nominated multiple people for this- @wmaling @jmkuzeja @corbzzzzz @haileyob have all been amazing. I'm so grateful to have these awesome people in my corner rooting for me and Enzo ❤️

A photo posted by Lauren Drew (@eventingenzo) on

2. @notjustaonetrickpony

Hi @goeventing and @tredstep__ireland I'm nominating the background team aka my parents. Pictured here with me fence judging at The Grassroots Championships 2014&2015, we are heading to Badminton again next week to fence judge at The Mitsibushi Cup. They are regular @britisheventing volunteers being out most weekends and often staying further away to help all weekend. They help immensely with my two horses and have given me support in my decision to go eventing. I still live at home along with my terrier and without that I couldn't afford to compete. My mum is very horsey so is a great help with helping out and also when I have broken both of them in. They both were there when my homebred was born and have supported every step of the way with him, my Dad came XC schooling with me last week when I took him for the first time. #tredsteppayitforward

A photo posted by Becky Neale (@notjustaonetrickpony) on

3. @lab361

I'm nominating Betsy Ball of @redbudequestrian for #tredsteppayitforward Betsy is always inspiring me, whether she is pushing me to be a better rider or a better human. Not only does she run a top notch eventing farm in Mississippi, but she also has a dog rescue helping strays find much needed and loved homes! Betsy selflessly gives so much to everyone in her life and to the sport of eventing. She has helped so many horse crazy, but financial struggling college students achieve their eventing goals. To her, it doesn't matter if you can't afford to ride or show, as long as you are willing to work hard she will help you out! Not only is she giving back through teaching, she also spends her time volunteering for the sport. Often at an event you can find her between her coaching and riding obligations on the cross country course giving back to the sport through jump judging! She saw a potential in me that I never knew I had and inspired me everyday to work harder. Betsy values being a horseman above all else, to her the horses wellbeing always comes first. I think it would be hard to find a better or more deserving person for this contest!

A photo posted by @lab361 on

4. @lauraengeman

I am nominating my trainer Kris Wallace for the #TredstepPayItForward award! When I left to attend the University of Missouri this past fall, I had heard from many people, family included, that I would not have the time or money to ride in college. After an extensive search during first semester, I found Kris’s stable. She was the only trainer in the area who was able or willing to provide horses for me to use in lessons. Kris has accommodated my schedule as it has changed across semesters. She even managed to cram my lessons in between classes to ensure I was still able to ride! Since show season has arrived, Kris has provided me with many opportunities to attend a variety of shows. With her support, I will be competing in my first three-day event in May! What makes Kris even more deserving is that Kris has given me the opportunity to be a working student so that I can afford to compete on a college student’s budget. Without Kris, I think I would have been forced to quit riding while at school. The support Kris has provided to help me continue to pursue my passion is why I nominate her for the #TredstepPayItForward award!

A photo posted by Lauren Engeman (@laurenengeman) on

5. @rsowinski



6. @nkilver

7. @sagartland



8. @xbetterbesocialx

Tuesday Video from SpectraVet: Doug Payne’s Rolex Helmet Cam

Don’t miss Doug Payne’s Rolex helmet cam, complete with his analysis and commentary on the course plus side-by-side footage of the USEF Network’s video of his round. Doug piloted Debi Crowley’s Vandiver, a 12-year-old Trakehner gelding by Windfall, to a clear cross country round with 16 time penalties and ultimately finished in 22nd place. Go Quinn!

Why SpectraVET?

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SpectraVET is committed to providing only the highest-quality products and services to our customers, and to educating the world in the science and art of laser therapy.

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‘You Brought Shame Upon This Family’: John and Leslie’s RK-5K Run

Leslie and John doing some pre-race warmup stretches. Photo by Jenni Autry.

Leslie and John doing some pre-race warmup stretches. Photo by Jenni Autry.

“Don’t even come back here unless you beat them.” Those were the last words John and I heard before we set out to run Rolex’s second annual RK-5K, held Friday evening at the Kentucky Horse Park. They were issued by Jenni, and I knew she meant it.

THE CHALLENGE: A match race between EN and The Chronicle of the Horse. Three members from each publication, or whatever EN is, facing off in the race of our lives, with winner to be determined by the average score of each team.

THE COMPETITORS: Team COTH: Lisa Slade, marathon runner who enjoys casual 10-mile sprints up snowy Norwegian mountains in her spare time; Ann Glavan, former high school track star (probably) and appreciator of Tracy Chapman’s 1988 masterpiece “Fast Car”; and Sara Lieser, all-around athlete and proud owner of 6-month-old 5K finisher Zack.

IMG_5813

Lisa and Ann: Wouldn’t want to run into these girls in a dark alley. Photo by Leslie Wylie.

Team EN: John Thier, international man of mystery whose skill set includes using fancy computer words and changing lightbulbs without a stepladder; Leslie Wylie, professional box wine connoisseur (but I only had one glass before the 5K!); and Chinch, stuffed animal.

Putting Chinch on our squad seemed like a desperate move but everyone else on the EN crew was “too busy working” to run. Plus, I figured I could carry him in the sweet AECs fanny pack I’d picked up at the USEA booth earlier.

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To my great disappointment, various people later pointed out that my “fanny pack” is actually an insulated lunch bag. I was wondering why it didn’t have a buckle. Photo by Cassie Rutledge.

THE PRIZE: Glory, and the losers owe the winners a beer. But mostly glory.

IMG_5806

Around 700 runners turned out for the race. Photo by Leslie Wylie.

Heading toward the start at the Rolex Stadium grandstand, John and I discussed strategy.

“Let’s run fast,” John suggested, a ridiculous proposal that I immediately shot down.

“No way,” I said. “We’re going to work smart, not hard. We’re going to win this race with our brains, not our brawn.”

John seemed skeptical but, as usual when it comes to my bad ideas, he sighed heavily and went along with it.

We arrived approximately two minutes before the start, which was just enough time for Chinch to schmooze with fans…

IMG_5811

Colleen and Brian Rutledge’s daughter Cassie gave Chinch a pre-race snuggle for good luck. Photo by Leslie Wylie.

…and for me to roll my eyes at Lisa for having the Hamilton soundtrack as her running playlist.

IMG_5816

3, 2, 1… have a great run! Photo by Leslie Wylie.

And then we were off, like racehorses from the starting gate jostling for position. I jumped in front of Ann and positioned myself directly ahead of her, like I’d seen bad-guy jockeys do in the movies, jumping from side to side when she tried to go around me. 

Ann, being a significantly younger, peppier and more nimble human being than I, easily thwarted my sabotage attempt. I resorted to some more violent push-shove tactics as John looked on in embarrassment.

Just as I was approaching full-on Tonya Harding mode my lungs and legs demanded a ceasefire, leaving the door wide open for Team COTH to make its getaway. One by one they passed us by, threading their way through the crowd until they were no longer in sight.

Even baby Zack with a some unauthorized assistance from his dad Eric -- although it's hard to get upset about anybody with a mustachifier in their mouth.

Even baby Zack slipped past with some unauthorized assistance from dad Eric. It probably should have been a blow to our ego but it’s hard to get worked up about anybody with a mustachifier in their mouth. Photo by Leslie Wylie.

To be fair, John is an athletic dude and he probably would have been right up there at the front of the pack if left to his own devices. But being the gentleman boss he is, and also probably because he doesn’t trust me, he didn’t want to leave the other two-thirds of Team EN behind.

Which was unfortunate because I wasn’t exactly doing us any favors.

IMG_5820

“Can I get that Kentucky Ale with a lid and a straw, please?” Photo by John Thier.

“Don’t worry,” I assured John. “We have plenty of time left to crush them.”

But the longer we ran, the more impossible our dream of reminding COTH about that time we beat them in a 5K at every opportunity for the rest of time hard-earned victory became.

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Kudos to the gal in the tie-dyed tee and lace socks — she totally left us in the dust. Photo by Leslie Wylie.

With just under a mile left to go, feeling defeated, I suddenly remembered all the garbage I’d been spouting earlier about working smart, not hard.

It was time for a shortcut.

John was hesitant — probably out of fear that Jenni would fire him from his own company — but he put his head down in shame and obeyed my command. Ignoring dirty looks from other runners we made a beeline toward one of the barns, with the intention of shaving some distance off the course.

But then…

IMG_5825

John attempting to smother his conscience with a pillow. Photo by Leslie Wylie.

… we just couldn’t do it. John’s moral resistance was no surprise, but I had come to expect more from my ruthless, tar-black soul. Was I getting soft?

“We’ve gotta go back,” I said, and John nodded. We doubled back the way we came to rejoin the swift stream of runners, further behind now than ever.

But at least we were having fun, as evidenced by this homestretch clip John filmed in the tradition of his ancient, rightfully discontinued EN series “The Worst Rolex Video Ever.”

We finished the race strong, our heads held high, our integrity intact, prepared to suffer our fate with dignity.

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Photo courtesy of Team COTH, who I think had been out to dinner and back by the time we crossed the finish line.

Team COTH actually accepted their win with grace and class — they didn’t even post the photo above to Instagram — but honestly they were the least of our worries. We still had to report back to Jenni in the media center, who already seemed a bit put out that we were taking so long.

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When we walked in, she didn’t look up from her laptop.

“Did you win?”

“No,” John said.

The staccato clack of Jenni’s fingers on the keyboard came to an abrupt stop.

I tried to frame the situation in a more positive light: “But we had a lot of heart, a lot of … sportsmanship.”

Finally Jenni spoke, looking us dead in the eye.

“You brought shame upon this family,” she said, before turning her attention back to her work.

Which is to say, COTH, we’re gonna need a rematch. Same place, same time, Rolex 2017. And this time, you’re going down.

(In, like, the sweetest, nicest way possible.)

Go Eventing.