In the midst of all the southern excitement flying around EN, there are those of us who suffer the silent burden of being stuck north of the Mason-Dixon Line. Whether you have work or school or just aren’t a professional (having a life outside of horses… who wants that??) there’s no way around it: February is the worst time of the year. It’s cold. It snows. And every time you log into Facebook you see at least four status referring to “double clear!!! good boy!!” or “LOVING this Florida weather!!~*!!*” Then you walk out your front door, dig your car out of two feet of snow (not to mention knocking it off the roof, who knew you can get a ticket for that?), drive to the barn, and proceed to ride around the indoor. My rather emotional TB is actually about to have a complete psychotic break from riding indoors since November. He can’t trot past a standard without bucking. And you think I’m joking.
Since I’m having a particularly dreary February along with the rest of the snowed in nation, I have taken the time to compile a list of six activities to fight horse-related midwinter depression and amuse those of you who are dying to leave the start box. Enjoy at your own risk.
1. Count the number of strides it takes to get around the perimeter of any indoor arena of your choosing. If you want to get really aggressive, do it at the trot and canter too. You can even compare horses’ gaits by seeing the difference in your results! This will help you know the length of your horse’s stride, which is an important piece of information for when you come flying into the sunken road combo at your season opener.
2. Learn what my somewhat irresponsible summer camp counselors called the “Australian dismount.” Not to brag or anything, but I was pretty good at this around age 10, though I tended to land on the ground rather than my feet… Practical application: after saluting in your next dressage test. Instant 25.
3. Turn your bedroom into a horse heaven. This will really impress your parents, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, dog, mailman, whoever. And convince them of your sanity or lack thereof. Not much practical application for this one other than points for being chic and trendy.
4. Bedazzle your helmet. I think glitter might be my favorite thing next to horses. When Charles Owen came out with their metallic skull caps I just about died. You can get stick on sequins at hobby stores and decorate pretty much anything. Alternatively go to your online tack store of choice and search the keyword “sparkle.” Warning: most trainers will not approve, and will probably ask you to remove said equipment before allowing you to continue with your lesson. Not much real world use, but great for the day when it’s sleeting so hard you can’t see your horse’s ears.
5. Find a sidekick and walk around like this. All. The. Time. Absolutely no practical application, but who cares, you get to walk around with a coconut. You will also get cool points for the classic mid-70s movie reference from your culturally-relevant friends and co-workers.
6. Watch the great forgotten horse movies, like Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. This might be the most underrated cartoon of all time. Another fun thing to do is count the number of mistakes directors make in their attempts to be relevant to equestrians. Like in Hildago when Viggo Mortensen sets the horse “free” still wearing all four shoes. As far as epic cinematography goes, who can forget the hill scene from The Man From Snowy River? I wouldn’t recommend trying this anywhere at anytime, but if you find a horse who will do it, buy it.
I hope this list serves as a ray of sunshine in your cloud-ridden day, however I wouldn’t be so hopeful as to think it will help you achieve that Aiken tan your barn buddies will be returning with next month. Stay strong and stay sane, April will be here before you know it.
