EN reader Katie Malensek sent us a wonderful article expressing fond memories and appreciation for her horsey best friend, Ashley. Reading this, I couldn’t help but think of my own horsey friends growing up, all of us dreaming of Rolex one day. Many thanks to Katie for writing, and thank you for reading. If you have something to share, send it to [email protected].
From Katie:
From ponies and pigtails….
Everyone has that one great horsey friend, you know, the one that you grew up riding with- going to pony club rallies or horse shows together? That one that cheered for you when you made it around your first cross country course clean or won your first blue ribbon? The one that on a Friday night, while other teenagers are out at the mall or hanging out with friends, is braiding horses and packing trailers with you. The one that will sit in a public restaurant wearing breeches, boots, and the “reverse French manicure” with you and not bat an eye. I’m sure everyone involved with horses can remember the one person in their horsey life that fits this description. Sometimes as life gets busy and people fall in and out of horses and in and out of touch with each other, you might only remember those friends with fond memories and the odd Facebook message. Well I am lucky enough to have one of these great horsey friends and I think our story is a darn good one so here goes….
Ashley and I met when we were 12, doing a summer working student program with our new trainer, Bruce Mandeville, in Ontario, Canada. We were young, eager to learn, and hesitant to give up our childhood ponies (Hank and Velvet) despite having our larger, shinier models waiting in the barn. My Mom and I happily rescued Ashley from a summer in an old RV and she was instantly a part of our family. For the next few summers in Ontario (and then springs in Aiken) we were inseparable, riding and training and planning competition schedules together, trying to balance having a “normal” teenage life with pursuing our horsey dreams which at the time were NAYRC followed by Rolex. Poor Bruce put up with our antics and tried to keep us busy (and tired) with endless no stirrup lunge lessons but to no avail- we were still busted several times sneaking in to the farm in the wee hours of the morning and trying to appear fresh and awake with gallons of Tim Horton’s coffee. And I definitely recall driving to Groton House after prom night, having come right home from the after party, loading the horses straight into the trailer, and heading on the 12-hour drive, pulling bobby pins out of our prom updo’s the entire trip. Classy.
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While we played hard, we also worked our teenage butts off. In 2002 after a less than memorable NAYRC the previous year, I won the individual bronze medal in the CCI**. Not to be outdone, Ashley proceeded to win the individual gold medal in the CCI** the following year. We were so proud of each other; I still love seeing the picture of her on the podium holding her flowers! We were a force to be reckoned with!
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As time tends to progress and life moves forward we were on to college. Strangely enough we both ended up in Ohio, me in on the north end near Cleveland, and her in the south. We were still competing and working towards our next goal, Rolex. Both of us were managing full college schedules and trying to make the move up to the Advanced level. For two years we managed to keep these crazy schedules trying to chase our dreams, supporting each other the entire time. Unfortunately some bumps in the road took their tolls on both of us. Health problems plagued Ashley during her senior year and forced her out of riding temporarily. The same year my three-star horse was fatally injured and we were both found to be suddenly knocked down and out in the breathtaking way that only horses can manage to do.
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Ashley and I temporarily fell out of touch…without having the common theme of our conversations (horses) and goals (Rolex), we seemed to falter in our ability to stay connected. Lack of horse show time together combined with the physical distance that incurred in post-college life made it difficult to stay in touch. After my devastating loss of my equine partner I sold my horses to pursue graduate school. As Ashley returned back to riding she found comfort in riding at the less demanding levels and eventually sold her horses to pursue her PhD. Despite our lull in communication, when the time came to choose a maid of honor several years down the line there was only one obvious choice and thankfully Ashley made the trip to stand beside me as I entered the next chapter in my life. I was honored to return the favor the following year at her wedding. We both carried on for several years with our studies to become different kinds of Doctors, having a more “normal person” life, being married, and without horses.
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It was weird- we had time on our hands- we had endless weekends to socialize with non-horsey friends (those people do actually exist!), we poured ourselves into other athletic events- Ashley excelled at marathon running, I took up competing in triathlons. We poured over the recently-created Eventing Nation website to keep up with all the happenings (Eventing without steeplechase??? What!!??) And talked about the day when we would be able to spend the time and money back on our four-legged friends again. We talked about how life without horses was kind of like discovering yourself and your interests again… in a good but kind of sad way. We both missed them, each other, and our time in the saddle desperately.
Ashley was the first to cave- she clearly had found that without horses in her life she could not be the person she was supposed to be. I was so happy and excited for her to start showing some youngsters again, and when she got her new horse last year I was ecstatic! As the universe has tended to do during the course of our lives, we were pulled to geographic proximity again 2 years ago. I was finishing vet school in Gainesville and she had come to train with Leslie Law in Ocala for her winter break from University of Tennessee. It was on that trip she decided to post-pone her PhD and concentrate on her life goal again, to go to Rolex! I couldn’t have been more thrilled to see her take that brave leap and went to any horse shows I could to help, watch, and cheer her on.
So it was without question that when I happily re-acquired my old, semi-retired, upper level event partner from my previous riding career the first question she asked was- when’s your first event? Having not ridden in almost five years I was more than a little on the rusty side (and I couldn’t fit into my riding coat or boots anymore and I’ll be DAMNED if I have to buy new ones!). For the last six months I have been slowly getting my groove back, appreciating every precious moment I have in the saddle like it was my last. There is something about taking a hiatus from riding that makes you appreciate every sweet second you get back. To be able to re-connect with my older, slightly greyer partner made it so much more special.
Last weekend I went training level at a schooling show- my first event since 2006. Ashley was there to help cheer me on. It wasn’t Rolex, I got time penalties on cross country, and I posted the trot through part of my dressage test but the smile I had on my face and in my heart beamed as hard as if I’d finished my first four star. It is moments like these that you realize how lucky we are to have such wonderful people to share these moments with in our lives. Through marriage and divorce, through success and failure, from training level and Pony Club to (hopefully!) Rolex, the relationships we have in this sport are truly life changing. I hope that one day we will be old, grey haired ladies talking about our paths through life and to Rolex. And if not at least we’ll be able to reminisce on all the beautiful memories we made trying to get there.
Thank you Ashley, from ponies and pig-tails to doctorates and husbands, and back again, I appreciate having you in my life and don’t know what I’d do without you.
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