On December 13th the eventing community lost Lisa Marie Fergusson’s amazing young Smart Move. It was a tragic accident for which there are no words of comfort to overcome the grief. Lisa was kind enough to write a tribute to Smartie and the story of taking steps towards recovery.
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From Lisa:
BLACK CHRISTMAS
Traditionally, I return to Vancouver to be with family for Christmas. This year was to be a little different, it would be more of an early Black Christmas as my Mom’s twin brother and my favorite Uncle Dale had passed away after battling cancer, he was just 57. Funeral services were being held on the 8th of December so I returned to Vancouver a little early to be with family and attend Dale’s service.
After an emotional 4 days I returned to Wellington in time to have a quick nap, tack Smartie up and head over to Betsy Steiner’s to watch his lesson. Betsy took the reins (literally) and rode Smartie while I was in Vancouver so I was eager to get her feedback. Betsy finished her ride and was so excited for Smartie: “He is such a wonderful horse, and has matured so much since last winter, you have done such a great job with him and we can seriously make this happen, he is going to be amazing.” Smartie stood so proud as we all hugged, loved and fawned all over him, he knew we were all so impressed by him and by the look on his face it was his proudest moment.
After the short hack back to the barn we put Smartie in his stall, did a few chores and then headed back to the airport so my boyfriend Mike could catch a late afternoon flight. After my all night flight and an emotional 4 days in Vancouver I was still feeling a little down but apparently my Black Christmas was about to get a whole lot darker. Mike was already in the airport when I received the call that Smartie had gotten loose and was hit by a car. I ran into the airport, tears streaming, and grabbed Mike before he checked in. The 20 minute drive back to the barn was perhaps the longest drive of my life.
DECISIONS IN LIFE AND LIFE DECISIONS
Decisions are tough, personally at times I find it tough to decide between a burger and pasta, so how do you look into the eyes of your most precious friend, partner and family member and decide on life. I spent my last few precious moments with Smartie, I held him, hugged him, kissed him, told him I loved him and said goodbye, Smartie was humanely euthanized and I was reduced to a puddle. I would trade every goal or competitive dream I ever had with Smartie just to hear him talk to me and tell me how much he loves me as I walk down center aisle to bring him his feed. Maybe it was the food he loved, but he was loved and I will miss him forever.
DÉJÀ VU ALL OVER AGAIN
Ironically it was just days before Smartie’s passing that EN had posted a recent blog of mine describing my feelings of loss and the lessons learned with the passing of Uni. I went into great detail how Smartie was a gift and that I firmly believed everything happens for a reason, that there is often opportunity in setbacks, and that ultimately positivity, hard work and resilience would prevail. I am seriously being tested on this!
People, as delicately as possible, have asked how it happened, but there is not one logical answer. Smartie must have been spooked or bitten because during turn out he charged his stall door and took it off the hinges, he then proceeded to gallop around the barn until he eventually found his way out on to a lightly travelled dirt road. There are many other factors involved but for a series of one in a million events to align and come together would seemingly be impossible. To take the door off the hinges alone takes serious force and that is not Smartie, as much as I wanted to find blame nothing different could have been done and in the universal design of things all I can make of this is that Smartie had a higher calling and is now, by choice, in a better place. Sucks to be me!
SHELL SHOCKED
I went into a shell and Mike contacted the people closest to us to let them know of this tragic event. One of the people Mike felt most deserving to first hear the news was John at EN. John and the readers at EN have been such a wonderful part of Smarties journey and such wonderful supporters and friends that Mike felt they needed to know.
Tuesday night at 9:18 EN was first to report the news and by then Mike had my phone, answered as many calls as possible and I just hid from life and the world as I knew it.
THE MOURNING AFTER
The next morning the mood in the barn was very somber, Calon, Smartie’s closest friend and brother, went from typically anti social to lap dog, Tali, Smarties full brother who is always Mr bubbly would barely pick his head up. If you have ever wondered if horses mourn their lost ones, they do. Now two weeks later both the horses and I are just getting back to a normal routine and if not for Sarah Travis, a great friend and Assistant Trainer with Betsy, my horses would not have been worked during this time. Sara, on top of a busy daily schedule, came over each day and rode as many of my horses as she could. I am so lucky to have people like Sara in my life and hope I never have to re pay her……under the same circumstance. Thanks Sara!
EN, THE ENRICHING NATION
For the next couple of days there were only two things I did, read comments posted from the incredibly loving and supportive readers at EN, and of course cry. If it is possible to feel horrible and good at the same time I guess I was there. Those pure and genuine heartfelt comments were like Mom kissing your cut and saying it will be alright, you knew the kiss wasn’t going to help the wound but knew the love would go a long way for the healing. For each and every person who wrote a beautiful comment or thought a kind thought, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the kind and generous act and how much strength it brought in a very weak moment. Thank You.
THE HEAVEN’S MUST HAVE BEEN IN SOME SERIOUS NEED OF LIGHT
BECAUSE THEY TOOK ONE OF EVENTINGS BRIGHTEST FUTURE STARS
Smartie was filled with so much potential and promise and at just 7 he was already short listed for the Canadian Olympic Team. Smarty was a confident and cocky horse whose cockyness was only matched by his pure athletic ability. When we started 2011 Smartie was not a horse given any serious consideration or attention, in fact most criticized his rise through the levels and commented that he was too young and being rushed. They didn’t know Smartie and they don’t know me but by the end of 2011 he would have the attention and consideration he deserved. After a very successful season, culminating with a very respectable 4th place finish at his first CCI 3* we were definitely starting to convince even our harshest critics that Smartie was not in over his head and that he was very much deserving of competing at the Advanced levels.
THE HEART OF THE MATTER
I sat in my trailer, at the barn, crying for 2 days, I did not check my email or Facebook and Mike commandeered my phone so, for the most part, I was alone with my thoughts. Day 2 there was a knock at the door and it was my teary eyed (typically more composed) Dressage coach Betsy Steiner who booked the morning off to come sit, cry, reminisce and share with me her love and deepest sympathies, What an amazing person and friend I have in Betsy. Betsy’s life lesson for the day; the river runs deep with friends, who love, support and have genuine concern. She didn’t say it, she and many people who came out of the woodwork, showed it.
Betsy left and I re-entered the digital world of email and facebook only to find, once again, that I am not alone, the overwhelming support is something I could never have imagined. Friends, family, competitors and distant acquaintances all reached out to support me. Jimmy Wofford, someone I admire greatly but barely know took the time to share some wisdom, extend his kind support, and bring one of the few smiles to my face, truly amazing.
TIS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST, THEN TO HAVE NEVER LOVED AT ALL
If you are open to love you will feel loss. I loved my Uncle and Smartie equally but different, different but the same. Confused? Me too, I will never share another Christmas with my Uncle Dale who brought love, life and positivity into my world each and every time we met. He shared with me his joy of life and an appreciation for actually living each and every moment, truly a glass half full person. I won’t sit on Smartie at Rolex, Badminton, Burghley or the Olympics but more importantly I can’t walk out to the field with an apple or a pocket full of cookies and spoil my precious horse. Both blessed my life, shared their love and both will be missed, the same but different, equally not more.
THE UNIVERSE WORKS IN STRANGE AND MYSTERIOUS WAYS
Smartie was not an easy horse, in fact, most of my coaches agreed that he was a handful. He was talented, athletic and a quick learner but physically a tough challenge. For Smartie balance did not always come easy, he could be really tough in the neck and, at times, overly bold but he was honest and did come to work every day.
In Eventing, I have heard it said that you can have that one special horse and ride your way through the levels but successfully bring two competitive horses to the upper levels and not only are you are a rider but you are a trainer.
I don’t necessarily subscribe to the theory but after I lost Uni perhaps my biggest fear was whether Uni was my one shot or did I have what it took to bring more horses successfully to the upper levels. Smartie answered that question for me. There is no doubt Smartie was special but he didn’t train himself and as I did with Uni, I started Smartie, I brought him through the levels and in a very short time we, as a team, were very competitive. If Smartie left me with anything it is the confidence that I can do it again and I am certain that my best in horses is yet to come.
MY LESSONS FROM SMARTIE AND DALE
I am certainly not the only person to have loved and lost and chances are if I keep putting myself out there I will feel pain again but in their passing, I believe my life lesson from Smartie and Dale is to:
Ride each and every moment foot fall by foot fall, share my love for those important to me each and every chance I get and to know that the river runs deep, for me much deeper than I ever thought. Smartie’s passing and the incredible response from EN’s readers showed me that.
THE SECOND COMING
This is the last picture I took of Smartie. Smartie is playing brother in the middle with Tali on the left and Calon on the right. Ironically I am left with a Full brother to Smartie and a full brother to Uni.
The winter focus will now shift to Tali who at this time is the perfect horse for me to get back on track with, he is always happy, positive and eager to learn and I absolutely adore him. Tali got a good kick in the field and spent most of last season on injured reserve but he truly shows amazing potential. Tali. is coming six and although he has only completed his first Novice he is, hands down, potentially, the best horse I have owned. I guess if there is one thing that I have learned about horses realizing their potential and that is to appreciate the time I have with them because my last ride could be the last ride.
SPECIAL THANKS
As a side note a very special thanks extended to John at EN and Marjorie and Lisa from SCES for all your kind and “unexpected” support and efforts. I know there were some negative comments posted but I was completely unaware of any efforts to establish a fund and it was from the kindness of people I have never met who initiated it. Your negativity is your anchor, not mine and I am thankful and so appreciative of the kind spirit and thoughtfulness of everyone, positive, in this, wonderful eventing community.
Thank you all,
LOVE SMARTIE
Finally, for those who are familiar with Randy Pausch, a truly inspirational person, I share these quotes and for those who do not know him I suggest you look him up.
“The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough.”
“You just have to decide if you’re a Tigger or an Eeyore”.
I have hit my brick walls but I will never give up and I will be a Tigger about it. See you at the Olympics….Someday!
Happy New Year! Set your goals high and I hope you exceed them!
