Over the weekend we announced our Blogger Contest final four; now we’re bringing you their victorious Round 2 entries in individual installments.
Their Assignment: Though some would say three-day eventing has made too many Olympic concessions, becoming increasingly TV-friendly at the expense of the long format, a recent New York Times Op-Ed argued that equestrian sports are “drenched in privilege,” and “should be ditched” from the Olympic calendar. In your opinion, what’s the value of the Olympic stage in eventing? Will it last?
Here we’ve got the fourth and final Round 2 entry from Yvette Seger. To read Jenni Autry’s previously posted entry click here, Emily Daignault’s click here, and Lauren Nethery’s click here.
Each entry has been presented unedited for fairness’ sake. Thanks as always for reading, Eventing Nation. Please leave feedback in the comments section.
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Bio: Age: Too old for Young Riders, but too young for the Masters division (36)
Background: Little. Blonde. Different.
Character-Defining Qualities: I’m originally from Cleveland, so I have this strange habit of checking to make sure bodies of water are not flammable. I like the color red, and bacon is my favorite food group.
Embarrassing Tidbits: I’m not really embarrassed by it, but I am known for having full on conversations with my horse on cross-country…conversations in which I throw my voice so that it sounds like he’s answering me. And my start box song is “Straight Outta Compton.”
Entry: Drenched in Privilege and Fly Spray: Reasons Why Eventing’s Detractors Should Buzz Off
When I returned to eventing after my nearly 9 year hiatus from all things horsey, I discovered that the sport and rules had changed. A lot. “What? No penalty zones?? ” “What’s up with this friggin’ armband?” “Aren’t SJ rails 5 penalties?” and “Oh, I’m REQUIRED to wear that vest now???” I learned that full-format 3-Day, in all its awesome glory, had died a painful death at the upper levels. That made me sad. But you know what? I didn’t do a full-format 3-day for the Roads & Tracks. Kind of did it for the Steeplechase (‘cuz it’s freakin’ BAD A**!), but the heart and soul of Eventing is – and always will be – Cross Country, so I guess I can be a little more at peace with the Olympic format. However, I will say that with Show Jumping being my worst phase, the thought of surviving one round just to go back and do it again makes me a little ill. But I digress.
Unfortunately, the Olympic equestrian disciplines have a perception problem. Kind of like me, actually. Just as new business associates may assume that I’m Dr. Seger’s assistant because I’m short and youthful looking, non-horsey peeps tuning in to the Equestrian events may think, “Oh, there goes another one-percenter tearing up the grass at a public and historical park. Hey, can you pass the Cheetos, bro?” So here are my Top 5 reasons why Eventing is more than worthy of being featured at the Olympics:
5. Like Rihanna says, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains spurs and whips excite me”. And just wait until we bust out the martingales, studs, and leg grease! Par-tay in the Athletes’ Village – HOLLA!!!!
4. Have you ever seen Michael Phelps competing with his entire medical record strapped to his arm? Yeah, me neither.
3. Do you REALLY think anyone is that interested in watching a gymnast’s helmet cam? Just the thought of it makes me kinda queasy…’scuse me for a sec…
2. It’s really fun to say “frangible.” Seriously, say it out loud. Right now. FRANGIBLE! FRANGIBLE! FRANGIBLE! Twenty bucks says you’re smiggling (smiling while giggling) and the coworker in the cubicle next to you thinks you’re a nutter. Win-win in my book.
1. In what other Olympic discipline do you see men and women of all ages and economic stripes competing on equal terms? What? You couldn’t think of anything? That’s because Eventers don’t need no stinkin’ Title IX to have equal opportunities. We compete on equal terms and are forced to use the same porta-pots…just like Mother Nature intended.
Tip for Eventers Living in Itty-Bitty Apartments in the City #2: With the Olympics around the corner, you will undoubtedly encounter some smart a** who challenges riding as a “sport”. He/she (but most likely he, and sporting the customary uniform of basketball jersey, mid-calf length mesh shorts, and a backwards baseball cap of Homo nonriderus) will say something like, “It’s not like you have to do anything – you just sit there and the horse does all the work.” First, do NOT punch this person (unless there are no witnesses). Then challenge them to ride your horse. In my case, I have Roger Rabbit, AKA “Thigh Master”, or Twix the Super Pony, AKA “Ab Roller”. While they still might be talking smack 30 minutes later, I guarantee that they will probably respect you (and your “non-sport” sport) the next day when they can’t walk. Or sit. And, if you’re lucky enough, they might have been –ahem – jostled enough to prevent them from ever procreating.
