Plague of Locusts Expected to Follow Earthquake in Cursed Aiken

Earthquake intensity map via The Aiken Standard Earthquake intensity map via The Aiken Standard

First, a historic ice storm that Gov. Nikki Haley compared to 1989’s Hurricane Hugo. Then, an earthquake that registered as one of the strongest in state history. We can logically conclude that a plague of locusts is on its way next to cursed Aiken.

The 4.1-magnitude earthquake struck in Edgefield, S.C., last night and was felt in Aiken around 10:30 p.m. EST, the Aiken Standard reports. No major damage to property or injuries to human or equine life are currently being reported, thankfully.

Power outages resulting from Wednesday’s ice storm are expected to last through Monday, and 37,000 Aikenites were still without power last night. Primary roads are now in “fair condition,” but secondary roads remain “very dangerous.”

“It’s devastating,” Gov. Haley said in a press conference. “What we are seeing here is worse than I think we would see with a hurricane. … I knew this was going to be worse than 2004. I didn’t know this was going to be in the same realm as (Hurricane) Hugo.”

They say catastrophes come in threes. Hide yo kids, hide yo wife.

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