The author’s daughter at the Virginia CCI1*. Photo by Cheryl Wolff Sherman.
In a sport with the highest highs and the lowest lows, we come together to cheer one another on, to give support in the difficult times and celebrate our successes. We discuss topics important to us, our horses and our sport, striving to be better horsemen, competitors and people. We make it through rough weather, nonexistent days off, broken bodies and empty wallets. Through it all we are a community, and we are a family, and we are fortunate to be doing what we love. Yet among us there are bullies, striking out while hiding behind their keyboards, attacking the very base of our community.
Cyber bullying has directly affected my family. After writing a congratulatory post on my Facebook wall for my daughter, there was an onslaught of ugliness within the comments. This assault was based on my daughter running two Preliminary competitions in a row. The comments were made from an adult that we hardly know from outside of our program, who in addition to being an inexperienced rider, is a hypocrite as her own coach has done the same thing. Facts were provided, and still the comments continued, disparaging our friends, our trainers and the venues that work so hard for all of us. Making the choice to just move on and let it go, the comments were removed and we turned the focus back to the original intent of the post: to congratulate my daughter on a job well done.
Early the following day, a friend alerted me to a thread that had been started on The Chronicle of the Horse forum by this same individual. The initial post was used to further question and damn our decision and horsemanship. It included screenshots from my Facebook page, including my minor daughter’s name, sarcastically labeled “for your viewing pleasure.” When her comments were not agreed upon in a way that was satisfying to her, she created a second account to try to bolster her opinion. (Note: The Chronicle of the Horse respectfully deleted the thread and banned both accounts, citing they did not support the use of their forum in this manner.)
The obsessiveness to be “right” and vindicated in her opinion was disturbing. Yes, it may not always be ideal to run your horse back-to-back, but they did not know our horse, our program, our trainers or the facts behind this decision to safely prepare this team for a successful first CCI* three weeks later. My daughter was able to push aside the situation and move forward, but what if the negativity had stuck to her when she left the start box? Potential consequences need to be considered when people disparage their fellow riders.
We may all be guilty to some degree, and we need to check ourselves first and be respectful. We must stand up for one another and not accuse someone or attack them in situations wherein we may not know all the facts. There is constructive criticism, but then there is downright bullying and shaming. This goes for juniors, amateurs, professionals, bloggers and spectators alike. We need to question uneducated, irrational responses and not look away. Bullies need to know their behavior is not supported by our community. We can all make such a positive difference doing the right thing — it’s integrity, and it can be very powerful.
The USEF now has a policy in place, Safe Sport, for reporting bullying and harassment, among other forms of physical and emotional misconduct. Learn more here.
