I give up. I’m never going to find a man who is supportive of my eventing. I’m not talking about financially supportive–I can handle that myself–but emotionally supportive. They always end up either getting jealous of the time and energy I devote to riding or else they just think I’m crazy. What gives? Am I doomed to be a lonely only cat horse lady?
Thanks,
All by Myself
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Dear All by Myself,
Girl, I feel your pain. My ex and I used to go round and round and round about this. At first, they think the equestrian thing is hot–tight britches and riding crops and that whole bit–but after a while the glitter wears off and they begin to see your horse habit for what it really is: an all-consuming obsession that inhabits every area of your life in some way. At which point, they tend to spin on their heels and gallop out the door.
As I see it, you’ve got one of two options–and neither of them involves compromising your lifestyle. The first is to find a partner who many not “get” horses, but cares about you enough that he wants you to do whatever makes you happy. If you’re lucky, he’ll even want to get to know your world a little better. These are the significant others you see standing ringside at events, double-fisting a video camera and a grooming kit, perhaps not entirely sure what’s going on but genuinely trying to understand. If you manage to snag one of these guys, hang on for dear life. And remember, it’s just like training a horse: When he exhibits good behavior (helping with barn chores, acting interested when you rehash the details of your dressage lesson, etc.), be sure to reward him generously, if you know what I mean. Most men are super-fast learners. Before long, he’ll be asking questions about shoulder-in and volunteering to rearrange the hay loft.
Your other option is to find someone who has the horse bug, too. I know what you’re thinking: “Yeah, right. Because princes on white horses are just lining up on my doorstep, waiting to meet me.” Well, I’ve got good news for you: Online dating has officially taken up residence in the horse world. Sites like www.EquestrianSingles.com help you connect with people with whom you already share something in common. They also provide a comfortable forum for asking important first-date questions like, “What kind of truck do you have?” and “Do you have any applicable farrier/veterinary/fence-building/etc. skills?”
Other opportunities for single equestrians abound. A former student of mine, a recent divorcee in her mid-40s, met the cowboy of her dreams on a singles ranch retreat. “Talk about a Wrangler butt,” she messaged me upon meeting him, “that man’s backside is packed like a can of biscuits.” Eventually, she quit her job and moved to Wyoming to pursue a relationship with him, and the two are now just as happy as can be. She recently posted a picture on Facebook of the two of them riding off into the sunset, literally.
All by Myself, I know you don’t want to be all by yourself anymore. But hang in there and keep your heart open. Sometimes, the best things in life are worth waiting for.
Good luck!
Leslie
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