Eventing can be a confusing sport. If I had a penny for every time I’ve been confounded by a question like “Who looks good in white breeches, anyway?,” “Will anyone notice if I sub in a different horse for dressage?” or “Why is the TD screaming at me again?,” I could afford to just buy myself a stupid Rolex and call it a day.
Fortunately, however, I have learned from my many, many mistakes. You might even say I’ve grown wise over the years, especially if you don’t know me that well. And now I’m passing the fruit of my failures on to you vis-Ã -vis EN’s new advice column, Ask Leslie.
The game goes like this: Email your most pressing, important questions about our sport to [email protected], and I’ll try my best to publish a response.
11-14-11
Dear Leslie,
I am an ex-eventer and have a son who competes at the Intermediate level of the sport! My question is, how do I MIND MY OWN BUSINESS and just be his mom and NOT his “coach” especially when I think I know what to say to him to fix it! I am very supportive of my son but drive everyone crazy with my input including my son! He has the best trainers in the sport and I totally trust and adore them! I always worry about his safety and I think that’s why I give input!
I love this sport and try to contribute my time and know-how at shows by helping out. I ring steward, jump judge and try to participate anyway I can. I have always taught him to do his best in life at anything he does and that his best is enough! Now I need to take my own advice and let him do his best and trust that the process works!!! Sometimes I wish I was like many other parents who didn’t really understand what they were watching! As my boyfriend always says, “If the rider can keep the horse between them and the ground, it’s a great ride!”
Yours truly,
Frustrated Mom
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Dear Frustrated Mom,
I can tell by your excessive use of exclamation marks that you are, indeed, very frustrated. The bad news is: You’re acting like a crazy psycho-mom. The good news is: You’re cognizant of this and willing to make a change.
The first thing you should know is, you’re not alone. Many parents have found themselves in a similar situation, watching in horror as what began as an innocent affection for ponies mutates into a full-fledged obsession with a sport predicated on racing at high speeds toward large, solid obstacles. Remember, though, that while eventing may not be as safe a hobby as, say, playing World of Warcraft in the basement, at least your kid’s out there doing something worthwhile.
In your letter you lament the fact that, being an ex-eventer and active volunteer, you actually know what’s going on. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Informed parents are less likely to send their child to the start box mounted on a homicidal quarter horse named Skippy Dog Food they found in the Bargain Mart for $300 with a VHS copy of Sylvester filling in as coach. Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything. But it sounds like you’re taking all the appropriate measures to ensure that your son is competing in a safe, educated manner.
Now let’s talk about those pesky control-freak tendencies of yours. Rather than repressing that urge to “help,” try instead to channel it. Go crazy on the jump-judging, hire yourself out as a braider, or cater a gourmet lunch for the entire barn aisle. The busier you can keep yourself, the less time and energy you’ll have for annoying the crap out of everyone around you.
As a last ditch resort, many eventing moms have discovered that a nice cocktail can take the edge off an otherwise nerve-wracking cross-country morning. Here the secret recipe for one of my favorites, “Leslie’s Famous Breakfast Margarita.”
Ingredients:
Orange or pineapple juice
Ice
Tequila
(Note: Juice & ice are optional.)
Directions:
Mix, drink and repeat until your son is safely through the finish flags.
