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Allie Heninger

Achievements

Become an Eventing Nation Blogger

About Allie Heninger

Allie, or the Autoimmune Equestrian, is 27 and resides in Utah. Allie has been riding since she was six years old, and was a hunter/jumper kid transplanted into the amazing world of eventing as a teen. After taking a few years off from dedicated and consistent riding while in college after her autoimmune disease diagnosis, she is now back at it with determination.

Eventing Background

USEA Rider Profile Click to view profile
Area IX
Highest Level Competed Novice
Farm Name Pegasus Sport Horses
Trainer Ghislaine Homan-Taylor

Latest Articles Written

Sunday Links from SmartPak

 

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I’m just a little (okay, a LOT) obsessed with showjumper Mavis Spencer‘s horse Curly (Carissimo 25). Do yourself a favor and go scroll through her Instagram for some shots of this stunning gelding tucking his little knees up to his eyes and clearing Grand Prix fences with feet to spare – my brain keeps trying to tell me they must be photoshopped because there’s no way a living creature could hurl themselves through space like that. He’s very pretty for a “glorified farm animal”, and I think we can all agree that jumping the colored sticks is way more fun than all those boring adulting things.

U.S. Weekend Action:

Ocala Winter I (Ocala, FL): [Website] [Entries] [Ride Times] [Live Scores]

Ram Tap H.T. (Fresno, CA): [Website] [Entries/Ride Times/Live Scores]

Jumping Branch Farm H.T. (Aiken, SC): [Website] [Entry Status] [Ride Times] [Live Scores] [Volunteer]

Links to Start Your Sunday:

We’re halfway through Black History Month — how well do you know Black equestrian history?

Learn all about the advances that have been made in equine diagnostic imaging

Riders have been announced for the NetJets USA Jumping Team competing in the FEI Jumping Nations Cup Wellington CSIO4*

Ever wondered where all these talented and prolific Cooley horses come from?

Calls for safety stirrups to be made compulsory in eventing

Sponsor Corner: Get up to 75% off apparel and gear at SmartPak’s Winter Clearance Event! We’ve got our eye on that gorgeous Piper Cable Knit Sweater – now only $15.49!

 

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Morning Viewing: Horse Sport has curated an adorable collection of TikToks for your enjoyment — “Bless the Non-Horsey Boyfriends of TikTok“. Enjoy one of my favorites below, and spend the rest of your Sunday scrolling through these heartwarming and hilarious clips.

@plhequestrian Now I’m the third wheel 😂💗 #horse #horsesoftiktok #equestrian #fyp #horsegirl #foryoupage #hearthorse #equestrianlife ♬ Just a Cloud Away – Pharrell Williams

Come As You Are: Taking MS One Ride At a Time with Lisa Lorenzo

After a long night tending to her mare as she battled an episode of colic, Lisa Lorenzo awoke one morning in 2020 to find her right leg completely numb. Dismissing the issue as a pinched nerve from the long drive to the vet the day before, she continued on with her day. In the coming weeks, Lisa’s symptoms would rapidly progress and worsen in severity, and her coworkers at the hospital where she works as a pharmacist would urge her to visit the emergency department. Just a few short weeks later, Lisa was diagnosed with a brain lesion due to the onset of multiple sclerosis (MS).

MS is a long-lasting neurological autoimmune disease affecting the central nervous system – primarily the brain and spinal cord. As with other autoimmune diseases, the body’s white blood cells trigger inflammation in response to its own immune system; in MS, it specifically targets the protective layer around nerve cells called myelin. This damage forms lesions (like scar tissue) in the brain or spinal cord’s nervous system, decreasing or disabling the nerves’ functions. This can lead to debilitating symptoms such as vision problems, numbness, muscle weakness, fatigue, and loss of coordination or balance.

Thankfully, after a successful therapeutic intervention later that year called plasmapheresis – a process in which the white blood cells in your body are separated out and replaced, removing the harmful antibodies in your blood plasma – Lisa’s symptoms were all drastically slowed, and many reversed entirely. Lisa still suffers from episodes of right-sided weakness and numbness, which are greatly exacerbated in times of stress or when exposed to heat – which is especially unfortunate for this Ocala resident.

Lisa and Ballinglen King riding cross-country at Rocking Horse H.T. Photo by Xpress Foto.

Growing up as a local hunter/jumper rider, Lisa had always watched in awe as all the ‘cool kids’ schooled and showed in eventing. After taking time away from riding to complete pharmacy school, she was back in the saddle as an adult with a trainer who would teach her the ropes in the “cool kid” sport. A few years later, with eyes on working up the levels to compete in CCI2* events, Lisa purchased 4-year-old Irish Sport Horse gelding Ballinglen King just 10 days before her first symptom manifested.

In the end, Lisa says, it all worked out for the best. ‘Rowan’, as he’s known in the barn, was still young and green, and needed some time with Lisa’s trainer to grow up and learn the basics. As Lisa learned how to navigate life with her diagnosis, Rowan gained confidence and the skills necessary to navigate life as an event horse. Both horse and rider took it slow in 2021 at local events and schooling shows as Lisa worked to determine her physical limits in riding.

Coming to terms with a new future is one of the biggest obstacles those with chronic illness must face. Once wholly focused on keeping up with her peers and moving up the levels, Lisa quickly learned that a new reality was inevitable. While grateful for her successful treatment and current positive prognosis, Lisa knows that life with MS has the potential to change overnight; she keeps a positive outlook by simply taking life one day at a time.

Lisa’s outlook and goals quickly adjusted, no longer focused on the prize but instead on the journey. Rowan has helped her on this journey by keeping her focused on the simple things. “He makes me want to be better,” she admits, explaining that he serves as a reminder that she has to take care of her health before all else. “Rowan is exactly the horse I didn’t know I needed, and I wouldn’t trade him for anything.” Lisa says that she is comforted knowing Rowan is safe enough that, should her health decline in the future, they could still lead a good and happy life of trail riding together.

“Finally made it past the mailboxes.” Photo courtesy of Lisa Lorenzo.

If managing her 40-hour work week with riding wasn’t enough, managing life on an anti-inflammatory diet is a full-time job of its own (as I know all too well – gluten is the most ruthless of enemies!). Some days when it just seems like the sun sets too early, it can be hard to maintain the balance between your health and horses. After a year of conquering Novice level with Rowan in 2022, Lisa says that she’s come to terms with bad days; sometimes when your body is fighting you, the most you can manage is just showing up, or going out for a hack. “He doesn’t care if we do a two-star,” Lisa says. “He’s happy if I just show up with a peppermint.”

After just completing their first Training event together at Rocking Horse, Lisa looks forward to their upcoming season. Even though she tries to focus more on current plans than future goals, she has her heart set on competing with Rowan in a Classic Three-Day Event at Training Level this fall.

“If we get there, that’s great, but if not, it’s fine. I just want to be happy,” she explains. “As awesome as our cross-country round was this weekend, I am just as thankful that he has learned to stand next to a mounting block for me to step off when I am unable to dismount like most riders.”

While Lisa is grateful for her current level of mobility, she knows that could one day change, so accessibility is always on her mind. She mentions that her weekend at Rocking Horse would have looked drastically different had she needed to rely on a walker or wheelchair, as her future may one day demand. Aside from commandeering a golf cart, a cross-country course walk – or even just navigating the show grounds – would have been impossible.

“Rowan saving my bacon over the last fence in stadium” at Rocking Horse H.T. Photo by Xpress Foto.

Lisa also makes a brilliant suggestion towards improving accessibility that, simply put, blew my mind. Heat intolerance is a battle that many people with chronic illness, disability, and neurologic conditions fight constantly – myself and Lisa included (shielding myself from the sun during a weekend event is more difficult than riding a good dressage test). She proposes that those with similar afflictions could request accommodations to allow a start time earlier in the day if competing at lower levels. As someone who has been dreaming of moving up the levels for the lower morning temperatures alone, adjustments like this could afford those with chronic illness the same opportunities that able-bodied riders have – an even playing field.

Aside from equity in accessibility, Lisa also hopes to advocate for continued improvements in equine welfare throughout our sport. She mentions a discussion on social media initiated by Dr. David Marlin – an equine veterinarian and leading scientist in equine research – that caught her attention recently. The post stemmed from an animal rights protest during a recent showjumping competition, and Lisa’s vision for the eventing community is to, above all, “just love and respect your horse.” There may be a wide spectrum of what is considered “ethical” in horse sport, but eventers are often at the forefront of these movements due to the inherent and increased risks associated with our discipline, so we must continue making positive steps towards safety for all.

As I’ve mentioned previously in this series, accepting life with chronic illness has the ability to trigger a focus on negativity, or it can foster a mindset of peace and clarity. While such a person could easily suppress their dreams and aspirations due to fear of the unknown, Lisa says she has chosen not to live in fear and worry, and instead embraces all that she has now with positivity and contentment. “I will deal with whatever the future brings,” she affirms. “Until then, I’m going to have fun and enjoy every moment I get with horses.”

Rowan says “Cheese!” Photo courtesy of Lisa Lorenzo.

Eventing is one of the toughest horse sports out there, and I believe anyone facing additional challenges deserves to be recognized. If you are also a person facing challenging or unique circumstances, combating differences and diversity, or living with a “special” body, I would love to hear from you, share your story, and advocate for your differences. Send me an email at [email protected] for the chance to be featured in a future article!

Sunday Links by SmartPak

For less than the price of a nice saddle pad, you can “spice up your love life” with a personalized video message from Boyd himself. I’m going to need someone to confess their love to their crush via BoydMail this year; his cupid power will bless your relationship forever. Brb, just going to send this link to my husband really quick…

U.S. Weekend Events:

Full Gallop Farm February I H.T. (Aiken, SC) [Website] [Entries] [Ride Times] [Volunteer] [Scoring]

Pine Top Intermediate H.T. (Thomson, GA) [Website] [Entries] [Ride Times] [Volunteer] [Scoring]

Rocking Horse Winter II H.T. (Altoona, FL) [Website] [Entries] [Ride Times] [Volunteer] [Scoring]

Links to Start Your Sunday:

Ten-Time Olympian Ian Millar is heading back to the games–only this time, as Canada’s Technical Advisor

Pippa Funnell has a groom opening, snatch this up!

British U25 champ Greta Mason tells us to focus on our own strengths this year

In Photos: Great Charity Challenge A Sweet Success For Palm Beach County Nonprofits

Trick or Treat: Enforcement of Rule Violations After Exhibitor Punished for Feeding Horse Peanut M&M’s

Weekly Pick from SmartPak: Are you looking for reliable, accurate information on your horse’s health? Check out SmartPak’s Horse Health Library. They cover everything from lameness and weight issues to behavioral problems.

Morning Viewing: I could probably use this reel sound for every video I have of me going over cavalettis as well…

Sunday Links by SmartPak

For all you happy people on the East Coast lounging in the sun on your lawn chairs (or whatever it is that warm people do), this is how winter happens in Utah. Every year, skijoring weekend brings all the disciplines in our state together for some crazy fun. For example, check out 2023’s winners of the women’s division (for the third year running), USEA Area IX Young Riders Rosie Smith and Grace Mull. No biggie, we just like to mix it up out here. Anyone else down to petition for skijoring to be eventers’ new winter gig?

U.S. Weekend Action

Galway Downs 2023 Kickoff H.T. (Temecula, CA): [Website] [Entries] [Ride Times] [Volunteer] [Scoring]

Sporting Days Farm February H.T. (Aiken, SC): [Website] [Entries] [Volunteer] [Scoring]

Three Lakes Winter I H.T. at Caudle Ranch (Groveland, FL): [Website] [Entries] [Ride Times] [Volunteer] [Scoring]

Links to Start Your Sunday:

Don’t miss this week’s US Eventing Grooms’ Aiken Education Session by Dr. Ashley Taylor, DVM

For Anyone Who’s Been Told Not to Waste Their Money On “Cheap Horses” That Break

Do you know how to pronounce Przewalski? ‘The Last Wild Horse’ born in San Diego Zoo

How do you feel about the new 3D-printed horse trailer by Double D Trailers? Many

Catch up on the USEA Podcast with their most recent episode #327: All About the Eventing Coaches Program

Weekly Pick from SmartPak: This Valentine’s Day, give a present to the horse lover in your life that screams “You can spend as much time at the barn as you want!” (Ladies, send this to your man.) SmartPak pulled together their fave Valentine’s Day picks in one convenient spot.

 

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Morning Viewing: Because who doesn’t love pony stretchies??

 

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‘Pressure is a Privilege’: Inside Boyd Martin’s By The Minute Webinar on Competition Anxiety and Nerves

Boyd Martin and Fedarman B. Photo by Tilly Berendt.

You’re about to start your dressage test and it starts to rain. Before you even finish trotting down the first long side of the arena, the judge rings the bell. After what you believe to be a beautiful trot down centerline, you halt, salute, look the judge in the eye, and watch as they say to their scribe: “Four”.

At this point, as three-time Olympian Boyd Martin illustrated in Tuesday night’s By The Minute webinar on handling competition anxiety and nerves, “this is where the true champions can kind of roll up their sleeves, grit their teeth, pick themselves up, and keep going.”

Boyd holds a wealth of knowledge on battling the nerves and anxiety that come with the high level of performance demanded by our sport, and at the top of his list of advice was to embrace the fact that “pressure is an absolute privilege”.

We eventers have chosen a sport that not only places us in harm’s way, but also allows us the whole range of emotional highs and lows associated with this fast-paced competitive lifestyle. He heavily emphasized the importance of staying in the moment every step of the way; at any given moment, Boyd reminds us, all you’re in control of is the next ten strides. “Make the next couple of seconds as perfect as you can… [ask yourself,] what can I do in this moment to make my performance better?”

Above all, it is pointless to agonize over things you cannot control. This includes situations such as:
– Weather
– Start order
– Course design or difficulty
– Who the judges are
– Who you’re competing against
– Things that have already happened

Instead, continue to focus on things you do have control over, including:
– People you’re around
– Warm up and preparation
– Watching other people’s performances
– Your confidence level

Five Tools to Use During Competition

1. Visualization

Boyd takes himself through several routines during competitions, one of which includes visualizing his cross country course while lying on a yoga mat in his horse trailer. He recommends blocking off a window of time before your ride to hide away, whether alone or with your coach, and visualize how you’re going to warm up, how you’ll ride your test, or pieces of your course that you will jump. Visualizing success can help you stay confident on the course, knowing that you’ve already “jumped it correctly” before.

2. Watch your fellow riders

If you can watch the other horses and riders, do so! Coming up with a game plan for your warm up and your ride will be easier if you can base it on other riders’ experiences in the same situations. “Horses all read the same jumps about the same,” Boyd notes, so if you expect the unexpected, your ride can run more smoothly. Watching how the warm up is working or how the course is riding can prevent massive surprises when it’s your turn to navigate them.

3. Stick to your routine

Riders often have the innate tendency to change things up when they’re nervous, whether it be new tack, more rides, or pushing harder than normal. Even at the highest level, people trying to do something new or different in a competition environment can lead to disaster. According to Boyd, his jumping coach Peter Wylde has advised, “You’ve got to have a dress rehearsal… where you use the equipment you’re going to use, [and] warm up the way you’re planning to warm up.” Stick to your normal riding routine and resist the urge to change things up just because you’re in a new and scary environment.

4. Avoid negative energy

Nervous people create a negative energy that you should do your best to avoid. Self-doubt can also bring negative energy and affect your confidence. Boyd affirms that your confidence level is directly correlated to your preparation; knowing that your horse has jumped bigger, wider, and more technical questions than what you’re about to compete over will enable confidence in both you and your horse. Thinking back to your successes during training and schooling can erase the negativity carried by self-doubt, and can help you to remind yourself that you do belong where you are. Keeping this positivity and optimism is one of the things Boyd says has helped him come this far. “Saying ‘I don’t belong here’ gets into your head”, he advises. “It isn’t positive and it isn’t helpful.”

5. Create trained behavior

Tense in the brain = tense in the body. Working to find awareness in your body during your warmups can help you stay physically relaxed and prevent setting your horse off due to your body’s natural response to anxiety. Boyd even uses his Instagram-famous ice baths to train his body to stay calm and fight the physiological resistance that can be associated with anxiety. Through breath control, he trains himself to stay relaxed, even if your heart rate is going crazy and your body is trying to tense, which he can then apply to his riding. He notes that his ultimate goal while competing is to attain a level of relaxation equal to when he rides at home by himself, “like no one’s watching me”.

Boyd’s affirmations on staying in the moment greatly resonated with me, as it has been my personal life mantra for years: “Whatever just happened, happened; all you can change is the next moment.” You can have the best ultimate plan, but if something goes wrong, you have to change the way you’re riding and adjust to the ride you have now. Training for and maintaining a clear mental state will foster flexibility, allowing you a clear mind to address what’s happening at the moment, adjust, and adapt. To riders that he sees looking back after a jump to see if they dropped a rail, Boyd reminds them: “That moment is completely done, and it’s pointless agonizing over it… You can’t pick it up and put it back on!”

Boyd Martin and Contessa. Photo by Shannon Brinkman Photography.

Rebuilding Confidence

An audience question near the end of the webinar asked Boyd how he recommends rebuilding confidence when trying to execute something you’ve done poorly in the past. Boyd stated that when “putting yourself under pressure often, you get more comfortable with being uncomfortable.” Pushing to get through a training session when your horse may be spooky or losing their focus will put you under a little bit of pressure, similarly to when you’re at an event. When competing, remember that “history repeats itself”; rather than dwelling on a previous poor decision, instead think, “How am I going to make sure that doesn’t happen again?”

“Try not to make things too perfect,” he says, recommending that riders work to come up with their own formula to get the best out of yourself and your horse in all kinds of situations. “The knack of getting better is plucking a bunch of different ideas and giving them a go.” Once you have a game plan formulated to best accommodate the ride you have, stay confident and stick to it – everything else is out of your control. Trust that you and your horse have done the right amount of preparation, and combat fear and anxiety with positive experiences.

Boyd Martin and Fedarman B. Photo by Tilly Berendt.

Boyd Martin’s new By The Minute webinar series will continue with its next session on Tuesday, February 28th at 7:00 pm ET, and is open to everyone! For anyone who missed this one, the on-demand webinar is available to purchase and watch here. His team is welcoming topic suggestions, which can be submitted to [email protected].

Sunday Links from SmartPak

My trainer has been in sunny Temecula with Tamie Smith for the last few weeks, and it’s videos like these that always make me wonder just what they are doing over there… I don’t think any of us quite know what’s going on here as Tamie and Bec Braitling seemingly prep for a lesson with Johann Hinnemann, but I do know that we all want to be a part of it. At this point, I’d take doing anything in California (even mopping horses?) over the cold spell we’re suffering through here in Utah. By the time my trainer returns, my barnmates and I will have moved into her client’s very nice facility that she claims as her home base, and will be very happily enjoying their indoor arena. If not for this, I think there are at least a few of us who might have begun to more seriously consider a westward migration towards the warmth!

U.S. Events This Weekend

Full Gallop Farm January H.T. (Aiken, SC): [Website] [Ride Times] [Scoring] [Volunteer]

Rocking Horse Winter I H.T. (Altoona, FL): [Website] [Entries] [Ride Times] [Scoring] [Volunteer]

Links to Start Your Sunday:

Don’t miss Boyd Martin’s By The Minute Webinar this Tuesday

BBC is accepting nominations for their 2023 Woman’s Hour Power List: UK’s 30 most outstanding Women in Sport

3 Money Saving Hacks for Horse Owners

Auburn University was recognized at the Pegasus Awards for winning the 2022 USEA Intercollegiate Eventing Championships

We Need Volunteers: Looking for the Third (or Fourth) Generation

Weekly Pick from SmartPak: Winter is the perfect time to hone your lunging skills. The SmartPak Training Surcingle gives you plenty of options for training attachments, such as side reins, long reins, and more. Plus, the padded leather pommel will keep your horse comfortable and happy.

Morning Viewing: Always wanted to try indoor eventing? Take a ride with Boyd Martin on Caruccio Paradise around the Sweden International Horse Show.

Monday Video: 2014 Helmet Cam from Stable View’s Inaugural Horse Trials

After last week’s clip with Jennarose Ortmeyer on Michelle Green’s most adorable Chilli Star, we’re bringing you another Helmet Cam Monday to start your week off right. Can’t wait for videos from this past weekend’s Stable View Aiken Opener Horse Trials? In honor of the dedication of the new Joannah Glass Arena at Stable View, named after the woman credited with bringing the equestrian sport of eventing to Aiken, let’s throw it back to Stable View’s inaugural event way back in 2014 with this helmet cam from Brendan Quinn’s Preliminary run on his Percheron cross, Smoke. Can you believe this was already almost 9 years ago? The property looks so different from our current view!

Sunday Links from SmartPak

 

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I recently started reading Tik Maynard’s book In the Middle Are the Horsemen (a Christmas gift I was very excited to receive), and have been highlighting some of the riding advice he receives and notes throughout this biography. One such note relayed to me a similar message to that of Sharon White’s on simplicity: “If a horse makes a mistake… he is more likely to learn from the experience if the rider is not interfering.” Simplifying my rides has been so hard recently! As my mare and I both start learning the basics and intricacies of higher-level exercises, the balance between clear communication and not overloading us both with too many directions has been a very fine line (especially on days when it’s not her turn with the communal brain cell). I guess when you have 10,000 things to focus on, sometimes it might really just boil down to doing what feels correct to the best of your ability in that moment. In the end, like my great idol Sharon said, your horse does want to please you, so they’ll either get it or be able to learn from their mistake.

U.S. Weekend Events:

Stable View Aiken Opener H.T. (Aiken, SC): [Website] [Entries] [Scoring] [Ride Times] [Volunteer]

Grand Oaks H.T. (Weirsdale, FL): [Website] [Entries] [Scoring] [Ride Times] [Volunteer]

Links to Start Your Sunday:

‘A great horsewoman’: farewell to former British team showjumper

USEA Podcast Episode #326: Tamie Smith Answers YOUR Questions

Paris 2024 Eventing First Horse Inspection will be closed to public

The Physical and Emotional Benefits of Riding

Horses Are My Life, But I’m Glad It’s Not My Career

Weekly Pick from SmartPak: The Rhino® SmartPak Collection Wug Turnout Blanket is currently on clearance! Take advantage of the reduced price to outfit your horse with Rhino’s Surefit neck design and V-front closure relieves pressure points. Available exclusively at SmartPak.

 

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Morning Viewing: And finally, here’s something fun to start your morning with a nice, long cringe. Enjoy (or not, you probably won’t).

Come As You Are: The Autoimmune Equestrian

Please join us in welcoming new EN contributor and Blogger Contest runner-up Allie Heninger! Allie, or the Autoimmune Equestrian on most platforms, is 25 and resides in Utah with her husband, fiery little NightMare, Curly heart-pony, and the four cats that adopted her. Allie has been riding since she was six years old, and was a hunter/jumper kid transplanted into the amazing world of eventing. She’s a bit of an adult re-rider, as she took a few years off from dedicated and consistent riding while in college after her diagnosis, but is now back at it with determination.

Allie has an autoimmune disease that runs her life a bit, and has started recently working to fully embrace it as the disability that it is, rather than continuing to try to fight against her body and its limitations. Managing a competitive amateur equestrian lifestyle with a malfunctioning immune system and full-time job can be pretty rough some days, but she and her mare are learning as they go – and what she’s learned inspired her to start a new series highlighting the stories of eventers from all walks of life. This series will focus on highlighting the stories of riders with different backgrounds, disabilities, and unusual circumstances – celebrating both our commonalities as equestrians as well as the diversity that makes up our membership.

Photo by Melissa Macleod.

In the summer following my freshman year of college, I got sick very frequently. Over several months, I came down with a few nasty infections, and started experiencing bouts of heavy fatigue, muscle and joint pain, nausea, and fevers at least once a week.

By that winter, in December of 2016, I had tested positive for an autoimmune disease called scleroderma; however, the diagnosis symptoms for scleroderma – or systemic sclerosis – are very specific, and I did not meet all the criteria for an official diagnosis. I also exhibited several symptoms seen in lupus – or systemic lupus erythematosus – although I tested negative.

These results brought me to the diagnosis of an Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease, initially explained as the early stages of an autoimmune disease which could potentially progress into a full diagnosis. There is also a chance it may never progress and will remain “undifferentiated” forever.

The most overwhelming symptoms I still face are fatigue, muscle pain, and joint pain. The disease affects my vascular system as well, so my body is very sensitive to extreme temperatures, and I also struggle with some very fun gastrointestinal issues and food intolerances, recurrent infections, and photosensitivity, the last of which is likely one the most difficult to navigate in my riding career. UV exposure is one of the biggest triggers of my symptomatic flares, so I have to be very careful about being out in the sun. In the summer, I try to only ride in the evenings – or mornings when absolutely necessary – so hats, long-sleeved sun shirts, and breezy pants are my best friends, especially at shows.

Although they have thankfully become more manageable with medication and lifestyle adjustments, these symptoms will likely always be present. As it was when I was younger and healthy, horses continue to be my biggest motivator.

Photo by Melissa Macleod.

One of the toughest challenges I’ve faced in my horse life has been accepting that my childhood dreams may not be possible with the body I now have. Whether it be the aspirations to become a professional rider or wanting to run a stable of my own, since my diagnosis, I have been forced to come to terms with a new reality in which I cannot sustain a career with heavy physical involvement.

Due to my lack of a horse, funds, time, and strength, I took a break from riding and competing for a few years after my diagnosis. Adult life without horses was incredibly difficult as I faced these health challenges, and I made several attempts to push beyond my disease, wanting to prove myself wrong and not allow my body to hold me back from my dreams. I tried out being a working student, ran a stable as a barn manager, and worked in the veterinary field, but each time I quickly reached a physical ultimatum in which my body very clearly rejected the lifestyle I was chasing.

What I failed to realize during my repeated endeavors was that my disease and myself have become one; it is not something I can push beyond or conquer, and it will not allow me to ignore the constraints it has put on my life. Rather than fighting it, I had to learn how to not just coexist, but to accept my body for what it is and work with it to accomplish my goals, even if it may be in a different way than I had always anticipated.

Learning the limitations of my body as I returned to riding was incredibly difficult and even emotional at times, especially after growing up as an active, athletic, energetic horse girl. I used to see myself as a talented young rider, but now frequently experience frustration as I try to maintain a lifestyle that used to come effortlessly. Having a clear, strong motivation has been crucial as I navigate life with a temperamental body, and horses are the thing that help me push through the hard days.

Without a driving force, it was too easy to slip into a victimized mindset, to live passively and allow the pain to discourage me. Now that I have a dependent creature out there that is relying on me – my beautiful and ridiculous mare, Harriet – that knowledge reminds me to prioritize the energy I have, rest when I need to, and plan for the future. I have to take care of myself so I can take care of my horse.

Photo by Melissa Macleod.

My life mantra is found in a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson: “To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; this is to have succeeded.” I want to leave the world a bit better and be a source of positivity and honesty. After hiding from and resisting so many aspects of my life for many years, I now try to live openly, sharing my struggles even if I have not yet overcome them.

Focusing on the negativity and the bad days only brought myself and others more sadness, but if all I am able to do is “laugh often and much” despite the pain and challenges, I can bring hope to others who face difficulties like me.

With my unique background and experience as both an equestrian and a person living with an invisible illness, I want to use my differences to empower others of unusual backgrounds to thrive in the equine industry, spread awareness of diversity within the equine industry – from illness, disability, or environmental struggles to racial biases or financial difficulties – promote the inclusion of new methods and resources to improve accessibility in the equine industry, and encourage acceptance and additional support for equestrians facing challenges continuing in the sport.

I am not the only Autoimmune Equestrian, and I hope to be an advocate for invisible illnesses and help other riders who may be struggling with physical limitations to discover ways in which they can still fulfill their dreams, even if their body has other plans.

Eventing is one of the toughest horse sports out there, and I believe anyone facing additional challenges deserves to be recognized. If you are also a person facing challenging or unique circumstances, combating differences and diversity, or living with a “special” body, I would love to hear from you, share your story, and advocate for your differences. Send me an email at [email protected] for the chance to be featured in a future article!