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Harriette Airhart

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Fear, and Confidence, with Jen Verharen

By on Feb 24, 2019 1:30 pm -

“Whether it be fear of falling or failing, I have yet to meet a rider that has never been scared,” writes Harriette Airhart. Truth! But it’s reassuring to know that there resources available to us to help us navigate those fears. Harriette shares what she has discovered with the help of professional performance coach Jen Verharen.

Harriette Airhart at Whidbey Island Horse Trials. Photo courtesy of Harriet Airhart.

“Confidence isn’t about everything feeling easy, it’s a deep rooted knowledge that you can handle anything that comes your way.” — Jen Verharen

Back in 2016, I attended the Area 7 awards dinner and conference in Portland, Oregon. I went to listen to speeches, learn, support my friends as they collected their year-end ribbons and prizes, and to just see what the whole thing was about. I went to dream and become inspired. Little did I know, that meeting was a gateway.

I went to a couple of talks with a couple of different speakers, but the one that stuck out to me was about goal setting. I didn’t know the speaker, but I could tell she was passionate about what she was speaking about, and that she was well-educated on the subject. She came with a plan, a system, an agenda, and it worked. It stuck.

She walked us through an exercise in proper goal setting, and talked about how important this seemingly small step can be in actually reaching those goals. I learned how to create goals that motivated me, scared me, excited me. She taught us how to make goals that worked. These goals were different for everyone, but they were achievable, exciting, and motivating. This was my first experience with Jen Verharen.

Taking it back a few steps, I want to talk about fear. Fear is one of those things that all riders feel at some point, in some way. Fear can run deep, and can manifest in many different ways. Some people feel their fear physically, as nausea or muscle aches. Others feel fear only in their heads, which can look like overthinking, worrying, or stressing.

Everyone is at a different place regarding fear. Some people come face to face with their fear while asking for a canter transition, while others don’t feel that sour feeling of nervous until they are competing at high levels. For some, riding brings absolutely no fear, but instead, the feeling of failure brings them to tremble. Whether it be fear of falling or failing, I have yet to meet a rider that has never been scared.

For me, my fear has always run strong, and has manifested in both physical and mental ways. Throughout my riding career thus far, I have been faced with extreme levels of debilitating fear. Sometimes it would come on randomly; other times, I would have certain fears for weeks on end anytime certain situation would come up (example: jumping a certain kind of jump, showing, etc). The unfortunate (later on, fortunate) part about my fear is that my drive, and my love for this sport, also runs strong.

It wasn’t until I got to a place where I was competent enough a rider to be able to get on a sane horse and evaluate its needs, improve a horse on the flat, and be able to tell the difference between correct and fake work that it hit me. I was a decent rider who could do some things with a horse. Based on my knowledge and understanding, I was pretty good. The thing that was missing, though, was confidence. I didn’t believe in myself, and I wasn’t able to bring myself out of a panic situation and keep riding. But I wanted to work towards overcoming my fear.

My wonderful trainer, who was at the same goal setting presentation at the USEA meeting, suggested that I do some research on her and see if she had any resources that could help with the mental side of riding. As luck would have it, she did. I decided to participate in one of her online confidence courses, The Performance Project. The course was five weeks long, with weekly audio recordings as well as weekly group phone calls. The course was emotionally tiring, but extremely fulfilling.

Over those five weeks, I learned about how and why fear manifests, fear patterns, strategies for dealing with nerves and discomfort, strategies to boost confidence, how to set meaningful goals, why having meaningful goals is crucial to building a base of confidence, and so much more. I was able to apply strategies and coping mechanisms to my riding, and in a matter of months, I went from feeling fearful of cantering even cross rails, to confidently coursing 3’ on my (easy going, but green) OTTB. And now, my sensitive warmblood.

In addition to the extremely high quality, personalized coaching provided by Jen, being apart of the Performance Project allowed me to join an overwhelmingly supportive community, whom I still lean on today for support. Being able to learn from others experiences, and grow through their journey, was one of my favorite aspects of this program. Jen made sure that every moment of our time together, whether it be on the phone or through social media, was a learning opportunity. She found ways to teach through her own experiences and the experiences of others, while setting each member of this program on the path to achieving their goals.

Fear does not diminish completely out of our lives. It will always be there, in some way or another, at some time or another. However, the most influential thing that Jen taught me is how to start managing it. She taught me that it’s OK to feel it, as long as I stay  grounded to the fact that I can handle anything that comes my way. This is a lesson that I have taken to heart, in and out of the ring. I have grown, I have changed, and the Performance Project is what jump started me onto the path of success.

The Performance Project will be running again in April. I highly recommend signing up to become a part of this amazing community, and overcome your barriers.

 

 

5 Things I’ve Learned Since Becoming a Working Student

By on Jun 5, 2018 1:00 pm -

Harriette Airhart is a 17-year-old aspiring eventer and working student. She currently care leases a 7-year-old OTTB named Jack.

“Always walk through life as if you have something new to learn, and you will.” — Vernon Howard

Becoming a working student has been one of the most valuable experiences of my life thus far. I have learned far more from grooming, tacking, hacking and packing than I could ever learn from a textbook. Taking physical work and turning it into knowledge is what being a working student is all about. Working, helping, learning, and growing.

The list of things that I have learned so far in my time as a working student could go on for days. Everything from riding techniques and green horse handling to the most efficient way to clean water buckets and pack for a three-day. Beyond that, though, comes the learning about mental strategies, navigating dicey situations, and more. This list is just five important things that I have learned so far.

1. Change and/or failure are the only things that promote growth.

Whether it is just a small failure or a large one, a small change or a large one, you must fail or change at some point in order to succeed, to grow, and to learn. If you are not getting the results that you want, be it in riding, working, etc., change something. Try something new, adjust your thinking. Even if you try something that doesn’t work, you are still expanding your learning. As for failure, everyone makes mistakes at some point or another. Whether it is a big mistake or a small one, mistakes and failures help you learn, and grow.

2. Work ethic can make up for a lack of talent.

This one took me quite a bit of time to realize. I always thought that trainers and coaches wanted top level riders or horse people to work for them. However, what I have come to learn is that a strong work ethic is far more important than what level you ride. Professional trainers/riders are hardworking and motivated, and they want hardworking, motivated people to assist them. Most of the time, if you’re willing to work, they’re willing to teach. Not everyone is born talented, but anyone can be a hard worker. An ordinary rider with a strong work ethic is (in my experience) going to be far more valuable than a talented rider with no drive.

3. You are always learning.

There is no such thing as knowing everything in this industry. Especially as a working student. You are there to learn. Even if you think you know something, there is almost always another way to do it that may be better, faster, or more correct. You can learn more than you ever thought you could just by asking questions and engaging in conversations.

4. Flexibility is key.

Flexibility is one of the most important skills to have, I have found. Whether it’s a sudden phone call telling you to tack up a different horse from the one you’ve already tacked up, or when the truck won’t start the morning of a horse show, being flexible and willing to adjust your plan is vital. Often this means being able to stay calm in what can be a  stressful and/or fast paced situation. Taking direction and running with it on your own even when you feel frazzled is what will make you invaluable to your program. Better yet, not getting frazzled in these situations will save you a lot of stress. However, this can take time and conditioning to be able to do on a regular basis depending on your personality type. I have found that the best thing to do is go into situations with a solid plan, but be ready and willing to change it at a moments notice.

5. You have to want it.

“Working hard for something that you don’t care about is called stress. Working hard for something that you love is called passion.”

I didn’t really know how to sum up this point, but I think this quote just about does it. There will be times where you feel stressed, or overwhelmed, or tired, but at the end of the day, this has to be the stuff you live for. The tiring days, hot show weekends, long road trips. You have to want to do it in order to get things out of it. Be open minded. Be flexible. Be passionate. If you want it, you can get it.

The life skills you learn while being a working student are extremely valuable and can go a long way at the barn and beyond. The best thing you can do is immerse yourself in what you love, and what drives you. When you do that, the possibilities are endless.

When Trying My Hardest Wasn’t Enough: How I Learned to Work Harder

By on May 11, 2018 2:05 pm -

Harriette Airhart is a 17-year-old aspiring eventer and working student. She currently care leases a 7-year-old OTTB named Jack.

“Disappointments are a result of failed expectations. To have less disappointments, either expect less from other people, or demand more from yourself.” — Kevin Ngo

I remember driving to the facility that morning, my stomach full of coffee and butterflies. I was actually going to do it. I was going to ride in a clinic with my eventing idol. All the quotes, the coaching methods, the jump courses, that I had studied over the years on her social media accounts, I was finally going to see and hear them in person. Finally I was going to get to listen, to ask, to soak it all in. This was a day that I had been working towards for a month and a half prior, when I originally signed up for the clinic, but really it was a day that I had been working towards for all the years that I had been looking to this person for inspiration.

Having been a working student for my current trainer for over a year, I was also excited to venture into a working student position out of state, hopeful that I would get the opportunity to ask this particular trainer if she had room in her program for another groom. I was hopeful, hopeful and scared. Hopeful and determined. There was a lot riding on that weekend for me, and a lot of excitement and terror wrapped up with it as well.

I was riding a young mare beyond my skill-level, but she was what we had, and I adored her too much to see the flaws in the pairing. I remember worrying that there was no railing around the arena, quivering thinking about what would happen if she decided to bolt off after a jump. My mind was racing — racing with ideas and nerves and excitement. I hid how excited I was from my trainer and my peers, feeling slightly embarrassed that I was as excited to meet this trainer as my friends were to meet celebrities.

Flash forward a couple of hours to my ride time, and the mood started to fall. The caffeine that I wasn’t used to from the coffee that I never drink, mixed with the nerves that I didn’t know how to handle and excitement that could overwhelm me, turned my body into jello. My trainer that I would consistently lean on for moral support was already riding in her lesson, so it was just my thoughts, my horse, and me.

The clinic did not go as planned. My trainer ended up riding the mare because I decided that I wasn’t able to give her a confident enough ride in the moment. We decided with the clinician that I would do the second half of the lesson the following day, because the mare had learned very quickly and jumped everything confidently by the end. We also talked about me coming to work for her for the summer. I remember my heart skipping a beat when she delightfully said yes. It was all there. In that moment, my dreams were coming true. All of the nerves and jitters from earlier that day seemed to wash away with her words, as if she were speaking magic. It was real, it was happening.

The next day though, I went from my highest of highs to my lowest of lows. The mare  wasn’t quite confident enough around the course, so my trainer and the clinician gave me a choice. If I was sure that I would be able to give her a confident ride, then I could get on. But if I wasn’t sure, I should just sit this one out.

The pressure of this question overwhelmed my thoughts. Immediately my mind was racing with a million different questions: What if I ruin her? What if I make her lose all the new confidence that she’s gained? What if I can’t pull out a strong enough ride? What if I freeze? What if I fail?

I made the decision to sit it out. However, after she went around the course again, the clinician deemed her confident enough for me to get on, and so she had me mount up. “Don’t talk yourself out of something before you’ve even tried.” What if I fail?

I froze. It was like I had forgotten how to ride. My mind was taken over by a cloud of white fog, cloudy enough to block any confidence that I once had. Everyone was staring. Everyone was watching me fumble over jumps, not be able to stop her, afraid to canter, and not be able to do what the clinician said. I apologized, and dismounted. As I looked down, away from everyone, I heard the clinician say to my trainer, “I don’t have time for this.”

My trainer got back on, and I retreated to our trailer tack room, where I felt myself tear into a million pieces. It was right there. My biggest dream, my biggest idol, and my one shot. Just like that, in the time that it took me to jump four jumps, it was gone. Years of wishing, years of hoping. In that moment, I felt it slip through my fingertips. No, I watched myself let go of it. It was right there, and I let it all go.

Later, while driving home from the clinic with my trainer, I listened to the sound of my dreams bump into my reality. My trainer and I talked about many different aspects of the clinic throughout the two-hour drive home, but the thing that stuck with me most, is when she told me that she didn’t think that I had tried hard enough.

What she said made sense. It did. But as I let her words roll over my mind, I thought back. I thought back to years ago when I was little and afraid to touch a horse. I thought back to the first time I cantered. I thought back to my first jump lesson, my first time cross country schooling, my first show, my first horse trials. I thought back to all the times I came home and cried because I didn’t get something perfect in a lesson. I thought back to scouring the internet for videos and articles about new concepts that I didn’t understand. I thought back to the time I was throwing up with the flu, but still came to my lesson. Or the time that I rode through the pain of a pulled muscle and inflamed spleen, and went to the hospital after my ride. I thought back to 15-hour days at the barn working, and long weekends grooming at shows. I thought back to falling off time and time again, and getting back on every time.

I thought, what work do I need to do to fix this? What do I need to change? I realized in that moment that I didn’t know. I didn’t understand why my body wouldn’t follow my mind when I was told to put my shoulders back. I didn’t understand why even after all the hours of riding and working, how I had screwed this up so badly? I had tried my hardest.

That’s when I realized that trying my hardest wasn’t enough. Trying my hardest wasn’t enough because I was working on the wrong thing. I was focusing on the physical aspects of the sport, all the while not realizing that the mental game is just as important, if not more, than the physical. We had been working on my confidence in the past, but on that car ride home, it clicked that I needed to dive in deeper. This was rock bottom, and I needed to figure out the reasons behind my fears. My mental game was my weakest area, and I had been neglecting it.

In that moment, I promised myself something. I promised myself that I would work harder. But not just in terms of physically riding. I promised myself that I would work harder to understand my mental game and the limitations that I was facing because of it. I promised myself that I would learn what my fears were, what they meant, and how to overcome them, so that I would no longer have those limitations. I recognized that that moment was the lowest point for me in my riding, and that the next time, if there is a next time, that I felt this way, it won’t be as bad because I will know that I have worked harder. I will know that eventually, it will pass, and the next challenge will come. And eventually, it will pay off.