It seems like these days we look at each other’s lives through the lens of a highlight reel. We get to see the incredible trips, the best jumps, and the moments that we’re proud enough of to put on social media. What we don’t talk about is how much pressure this adds to athletes on both ends of the news feed.
Riders, whether professional or not, are made to feel like they ‘have to’ post something that makes them look cool and successful. Then, as we consume this content, we are stuck with the disillusioned perception that the sport is easy and that if you’re not succeeding, then maybe you aren’t cut out for it.
I would like to take this opportunity to go ‘between the ears’ of some of the riders that make up our Eventing Nation and work to understand some of the real challenges this industry presents.
On this edition of Between the Ears, I caught up with Kelly Beaver, who took home the blue ribbon at the American Eventing Championships in the Preliminary Amateur division last year. As a Mom with a full-time job, Kelly shares her insights into how to balance life and competition. I am proud to feature Kelly, as her journey exemplifies that with passion, dedication, and resilience, you don’t need to be a full-time professional to find success in our sport.
To read more Between the Ears interviews, click here.
Kelly Beaver and Excel Star Pluto. USEA/Meagan DeLisle photo
Can you tell me a little bit about how you got your start in eventing?
I started riding when I was about six years old. I had always been obsessed with horses, and we lived outside the DC area. My mom, who had a stressful job and was a single parent, would drive me to Middleburg, VA on Sundays so I could watch the horses. Eventually, she got me riding lessons, and the rest is history. I started with hunter jumpers in Middleburg, then moved to Pennsylvania, where I joined Pony Club and began eventing around the age of 11.
In high school, I was deeply involved in riding, but when I went to college, I made the tough decision to sell my horse and focus on playing softball. I thought I could always come back to riding later. After college, I met my husband Seth, and every time we passed a horse, I would start crying. He realized how important horses were to me, so we got back into it together. About 15 years ago, we bought a small horse farm in Elverson, Pennsylvania, and have been managing it together ever since.
My first event horse out of college was an OTTB, and I ran into a lot of challenges with him. I wanted to ride at the upper levels, but at the time I was naive about what it took to get there. After that horse shut down at the Preliminary level, I was lucky enough to be matched with my first Advanced horse from Courtney Cooper.
Photo via Kelly Beaver.
How has motherhood affected your riding career?
When I got pregnant I had just completed my first Advanced level on my horse, who was 18. I decided to take a year off from competing to enjoy my time with him. Unfortunately, he colicked and passed away when I was seven months pregnant. It was devastating. After my son, Benjamin, was born, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever ride at the upper levels again. Having a kid changes a lot- your body, your mind, your attitude, everything. I wasn’t sure I was going to have the desire to compete, but I realized that when I was just working and not riding, I was miserable. Seth basically begged me to get on a horse after I gave birth! I don’t enjoy leisurely riding, so it was natural that I found my way back to competition. Courtney was instrumental in matching me with my current partner, Pluto, and continues to coach and support me in achieving my goals.
How do you balance a demanding job, motherhood, and eventing?
I’m the Vice President of Energy Marketing and Supply at UGI Energy Services. It’s a demanding job, but I have an amazing team at work that supports me, allowing me to take time for my riding. We help support each other to make fun outside of the office possible so that we all work more energetically and efficiently when we need to. I started remote work during the pandemic and that’s been a game changer for me. I’ve been able to spend partial winters in Aiken, and have more flexibility in my show schedule as well. On a day-to-day basis, I’ve learned to adjust my schedule and ride early in the morning when I need to or if I’ve had a tough day at work I might choose to lunge or do groundwork instead of getting in the saddle while I’m still distracted. I have two amazing coaches, Courtney Cooper and Cindi Stephens that work around my schedule as well and give lessons at all hours and are always available when I’m having a breakdown. I’m also very fortunate to have such a strong team at home supporting me.
My parents live close and will often watch my son or take him to his activities when I have riding obligations. Mom guilt still creeps in when I choose riding over anything with my son, but I do believe you need to make time for your own passions. Lastly, I absolutely would not be able to do this without my husband, Seth. He’s my groom, barn manager, exercise rider, therapist, and punching bag, oftentimes all on the same day!
Did you go to AECs with the goal to win?
Honestly, I’m more of a realist and didn’t go in expecting to win. Honestly, if that thought ever creeps in for any competition, it seems to backfire so I try not to ever think about winning. There’s so much that can go wrong in eventing, after all, there is an animal involved with his/her own mind and thoughts. I tried to have my focus be the same as at any competition, having solid performances in all three phases. Competing at the AECs was, and is, always a goal, and qualifying was an achievement in itself, especially as an amateur. I knew I had some strong competition in my class, but I wanted to focus on my own performance and personal progress rather than the end result.
Kelly Beaver and Sempre Fino. Photo by Leslie Threlkeld.
What challenges do you face as an amateur?
The biggest challenge is comparing myself and my riding to professionals who ride multiple horses daily and dedicate all their time to the sport. I often feel like I’m not doing enough and that if I miss a distance or forget a dressage test, I don’t belong. I’d love to spend more time in the saddle, but I can’t because of the other obligations that I have. Imposter syndrome is real, but I’ve learned to cope by relying on my support system and focusing on personal goals. Professionals sharing their struggles helps, too. I think sometimes amateurs feel like nerves and doubt are reserved for them, but everyone in this sport experiences setbacks. It’s a reminder that perfection isn’t necessary for success.
What advice do you have for other amateurs who want to be successful at AECs?
Define what success means to you. Qualifying for a big event like the AECs is a success in itself. Enjoy the experience, and commit to finding your personal best regardless of the outcome on the scoreboard. It’s a big investment in time and money for amateurs to compete at an event like the AECs and if it’s all about the result, you can leave devastated if you don’t have the right perspective. I try to treat a big horse show like a vacation and remind myself to have fun even when I experience horse show jitters, which is quite often. Beyond that, finding your team and support system is essential. You can’t do it alone, so surround yourself with people who believe in you and your goals.
