Born in 1993, Blogger Contest runner-up Sydney Steverson’s parents had dreams of her becoming a doctor. Or the president. However, much to their chagrin, she fell in love with horses and has made it everyone’s problem since then. After re-entering the competitive scene in 2019 to extremely mixed results, she still makes it her goal in her dream journal to become a professional. Some would say Sydney Steverson is “a bit off…mentally and emotionally” but those people are doctors and not horse people so they don’t actually know anything. Currently the proud owner of two OTTBs, both of whom can be described as “so so so very weird” and one Swedish Warmblood who is best known as “a literal angel from heaven who has done nothing wrong in her entire life.” We’re publishing her very first entry to this year’s Blogger Contest for your enjoyment.
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[I’ll be italicized, he will be bolded. I am a 29 year old aspiring professional rider. Currently an adult amateur. He is an 11 year old who raced for 5 years. Currently an eventing horse. Aspiring to be a racehorse again.]
[6:00am — Dressage day]
Good mor- oh my sweet lord in a tankini, what have you done to your stall?
Salutations mother! I did a little impromptu poop art. It’s abstract and really cutting edge!
All art pushes boundaries!
Well, I have to clean this off. We have dressage in an hour.
We have WHAT.
Do not be willfully ignorant. I put you in a trailer-
Hated that, by the way.
Noted. I put you in a trailer. For 6 hours. Arrived at what is clearly a show venue. We have 3 phases to do.
Ah yes! Stick jumping and the one with the trees!
There’s one more.
I dare not speak it aloud, mother!
It’s dressage which we have in an hour so I have to clean your-
And braid you.
If you touch my mane, mother, I cannot promise your safety.
[8:53am — 45 seconds post Dressage.]
What. Exactly. Was. That?
You cantered sideways down the centerline.
Some would call it a half pass, and some would say it showed skill well above my level.
It was embarrassing.
I am a horse! I don’t know how to be embarrassed!
We have practiced this test so many times and we RAN through it.
I am built for speed. PLUS, the faster I go, the faster this dreaded dressage is over!
The judge asked me if I was “emotionally ok.” After the test.
You did seem a bit frazzled! Got to work on keeping it cool!
I hate you.
YOU LOVE ME.
[12:47pm — Show jumping warm-up]
THAT MAN INTENDS TO DO ME HARM, MOTHER!
He is literally just cantering.
BEHIND ME. A DIRECT THREAT TO MY SAFETY AND, FRANKLY, MY MASCULINITY!
Please stop screaming and jumping around. You’re making me look inept.
I would argue you ARE-
Stop. Look, ok, I’m letting you canter. CANTER.
Not until I’m in the next county!
Look! A jump! I’ll aim you at the jump. You like jumps!
AHA! I DO. ACTIVATING REAR THRUSTERS!
Please, no, please. This is just a cross rail.
Well, we slammed into that going about 27 mph and there are poles everywhere, so that’s deeply humiliating.
Do not insult me, I definitely hit 30!
I’m having a literal panic attack.
Well, I’m having a great time. Can’t you just be happy for me? So what if we hit all of these little jumps? Relationships are about compromise.
How about this? You just hop over all of these little baby jumps. I don’t sell you to the circus.
Fair! I’m afraid of elephants!
[1:03pm — approx. 2 seconds after show jumping]
Well, that certainly could have gone better.
It also could have gone much worse!
What exactly about jump 6 did you not like?
The plank gave me horrifying vibes. Detested it.
We have jumped many planks at home.
This one had a cow on it. A cow that was giving me INAPPROPRIATE looks.
Well, I’m just happy we finished show jumping. We are in last place by 40 points but we’re still in it. We just have cross country tomorrow.
HA! I hope you like the taste of grass mother! For I intend to be a PROBLEM.
I would expect nothing less of my sweet child.