Lila Gendal is the newest edition to our family of bloggers here on EN, and she comes with a particularly interesting perspective. Lila lives in Vermont, and works for the famed Denny Emerson at Tamarack Hill Farm, and when she’s not buried in snow, she is privy to the inner workings of one of the Eventing world’s most illustrious program. Lila has an amazing mare named Valonia that she has been slowly bringing up through the ranks, and is able to ride many of Denny’s young horses, and learn the “old school” way of doing everything. Take it away, Lila!
Valonia at King Oak this year
When I was in high school my daydreams were consumed by thoughts of two things: horses and having a boyfriend. I never had difficulties finding horses, but getting a boy to ask me out was a task and a half. After three years I managed to accumulate a number of insignificant dates and countless indifferent phone calls. At last, my senior year I began dating a boy in my class. Unfortunately this relationship was based solely on the fact that this boy challenged me mentally and that we could carpool together to our multivariable calculus class at Dartmouth (no wonder I never had a boyfriend). That combined with the fact that I seemed to be far more intrigued by the idea of dating than actually dating in real life. We were definitely never in love, or at least I never thought we were.
About a week after high school graduation I asked my boyfriend out to dinner only to break up with him. I only got about half way through my pre planned speech when his eyes began to tear up. Suddenly I was forced to change the course of the awkward conversation. I completely caved in and basically said, ‘never mind, it was just a thought I had…I guess we can stay together.’ After that dinner I realized how callous and unemotional I could be in some instances, while in others I was a sobbing mess. My entire life has been torn between being too emotional and not emotional enough. Of course not all females are the same, but for me personally, I have experienced countless occasions where I have had trouble compartmentalizing these emotions.
When I first arrived at Tamarack Hill Farm, I was deathly afraid of what I had gotten myself into, mostly because I didn’t think that I deserved to be riding and training with one of the most distinguished riders in this sport. Denny was everything and who was I? I might as well have been a bum off the streets. Needless to say I didn’t talk much the first couple years. I might have said twenty words a day or less. As a working student in the beginning I tried my hardest to do what they asked of me while keeping to myself. I also made myself an unofficial promise that no matter what, and under no circumstance was I ever going to let myself cry in the presence of anyone at the farm. Well, if I owed myself a dime for every time I have cried here, I would have thousands of dollars right now.
Skybreaker at Hitching Post
Riding requires dedication, time, energy and focus. Obviously we don’t need to be 100% tuned in every time we take our horses out for a hack, but being focused when you are jumping or flatting is absolutely necessary. How can we expect our horses to do whatever it is we are asking them to do if our minds are elsewhere? Have you ever had one of those lessons where your thoughts were somewhere else, like planning a dinner party, or worrying about accumulating bills, a death in the family, or ending a relationship? No matter how significant or insignificant your thoughts or life happens to be, being ready to ride when you get on your horse deserves an undivided attention. This can be easier said than done.
There’s another component to this whole separation of your horse life from your normal person life and that’s balancing your two worlds. To begin with, I live and breathe horses. All I want to do is jump and compete. Might sound pathetic or it might not? I suppose it depends who my audience is. Nevertheless, eventing and riding horses in general means the world to me. I would not be where I am today if I had only been sort of obsessed with this sport. Here’s the recurring dilemma: giving as much time and energy to your family, friends and significant others as you would your horse. I can’t even count how many times my mom would get mad at me as a child and she would end the conversation with, ‘if you cared as much about us as you do your horses…’ How do we give everything we have to this sport, to our horses, and to our horse life without trampling over our other lives? How can we balance the two worlds, or can they never be balanced? Can a serious competitor ever live happily ever after with a non-horse person? Can you be a diehard athlete with gold medal dreams and still maintain a healthy, happy and functioning outside life?
Spending the last seven years at Tamarack has actually added to my already semi-tough exterior. Denny is very real and his lessons are sometimes excruciatingly real, meaning what you and your horse need to work on becomes acutely apparent within seconds. This brutally honest style of coaching works very well for me and many others, though at times the honesty can hit a sensitive nerve and can lead to me owing myself a dime at the end of a ride. I can’t change who I am. I can’t pretend to be not sad or overwhelmed when that’s what I am feeling. Maybe these are female attributes or maybe it’s my upbringing. I am not just a horse person. I have numerous interests and goals outside of the horse world. I have horse friends and non-horse friends. That being said, horses are at the pit of my focus. I want to give everything I have to my riding goals and dreams, though I never want to lose touch with my amazing family, boyfriend or friends. I want to be able to compartmentalize my two worlds while maintaining an ongoing balance within the worlds to the best of my ability.
