Oh man, the wonders that you can find on Craigslist with a ton little free time. If you’re ever perusing the “Home & Garden” section or occasionally the “Pets” section, you’re guaranteed to run across some really excellent ads for equines from all over the nation. Forget Sport Horse Nation, these people really know how to describe their horses in effective, succinct and grammatically correct ways. Craigslist also has a lockdown on flattering horse photos, so sit back and get ready to enjoy some hilarity courtesy of Craig.
You know what? I don't even want to know.
6YO Ranch Broke Paint Gelding — $2,500 (Harrisonville, MO)
“This is Jack. He is 6yrs old. Been used in the pasture, drug calves, and cow catching. Have pics and videos of kids riding. For more info call xxx xxx xxxx”
What exactly does it mean when you say you’ve used your horse in the pasture? And he does what with cattle? He drags them around Is the child in the above picture attempting to catch the dog/goat on the ground while laying on Jack? He seems like a very tolerant fellow …
Mini Horse — $250 (Faquier)
“Buckskin and white paint miniature horse he is two years old and very very very sweet. He is a wonderful little guy that just needs a good home. He is very conformationally correct ( no over bite or dwarfing) and very cute. Asking 250 if interested you can’t text me at XXX-XXX-XXXX”
I’m sorry, but is that child wheelbarrowing that pony around?? In what way does this photo show off his supposedly correct “conformation”? I was not aware that an overbite was a big risk when looking for a good solid mini horse, but apparently I was wrong. Dear god, get that child away from the pony immediately.
Handsom Young Stallion for Stud Service — $50
“Ariamis is 3 year old nice stallion. He needs to prove himself a man. Great confirmation easy to work with just a nice guy. We don’t own a trailer, so the ladies need to come to us. He is not registered. He is white and tan marked real pretty.
Thanks for looking Kathy”
Let’s definitely breed more of these. For sure. Also, can we talk about this little horse needing to “prove himself a man”?
Quality shot
Paint Mare For Sale — $200.00
“Look I don’t want to to this but this is my first horse and I have done all I can do with her. She is a beautiful horse and needs somebody who knows what they are doing. She is on the skiddish side and I don’t know if she can be ridden. She is black and white and her name is Ace. She likes men better than she likes women and no sudden noises. Her favorite treat is apples and she loves to be brushed. She needs lots of land with pasture so she can run because I feel this is her wish. she is my baby and I love her but sometimes when you love you have to let it go. I have only had her two months from now will be a year. I guess she is anywhere from from years to maybe six years. She likes when you play classic rock and will perk up her ears and whinny. She will answer you when you talk to her by shaking her head up and down or even shake for no. She is smart just strong willed. She cannot go to a home that will mistreat her or forget that she is alive. She will let you lead her around with a rope and she is fond of taking her halter off. If you think you can be a good horse parent to her and give her the life that she deserves then let me know. There is a rehoming fee of $200.00. I would consider a trade of a smaller/less shy horse.
She likes to be petted, loves apples and loves to roll in the mud. She gets very excited when you have a treat for her. She likes when you play classic rock and will bug you to read her a story all the time. She listens to you when you talk to her.. never complains when you discuss how frustrated with people and understands simple commands. I walk with her with a lead rope no I don’t know if she can be ridden I have no desire to try to ride her. She loves oatmeal cookies and is highly offended by the smell of skin so soft. She likes kids and has a fascination with toes. She is stubborn and looks at you like your retarded if you ask her to do something she considers dumb. She does not loud people or negative people. She is very sensitive to how you feel and if you cry in front of her she will rub her head on you as if to hug you and tries to dry your tears. She keeps me company at night when the world sleeps as I have insomnia. She will let you do whatever to any of her feet and will let you brush her tail and anywhere you want. When you do though, she will IMMEDIATELY go roll in the mud when you are done. She seems to like other horses and really should have some playmates. She would like a boy playmate….. I mean she REALLY would want a boy playmate….. She is a tad underweight still so you would still have to keep feeding her sweet feed and stuff. She has allergies and likes if you wear a lot of baby powder smelling stuff . she gets offended by different smells but if she approves of your shampoo or what not she will let you know by rubbing her head all over you. She will allow you to wear apple smells or coconut and will be pleased but hates banana smells. She watches kids with complete fascination and will watch you to see how you close the gate..so she can get out. She will imitate pretty much anything you do or try to. Remember if you do the same routine all the time she will learn it and if you do not do the same thing every time she will take matter into her own…hooves… so I always try to keep her guessing. If you do go a few days with no sweet feed or her daily treat she will let you know her displeasure. She will provide hours of entertainment to say the least. If you think you can give this pretty girl the life she deserves and be a good horse parent then Ace must be meant for you. There is a rehoming fee of $200.00 and you have to come get her yourself…..”
I really don’t even know where to start, but I admire a horse that has such strong feelings about shampoo and the smell of bananas. Anybody looking for this particular horse? I hope you like classic rock.
