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Carla Lake

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If Everything We Knew About Horses Came From Video Games

This post originally appeared on Horse Nation, EN’s super awesome sister site.

According to video games, riding horses is super easy.

To find a really good horse, ride out into the wilderness on your old, crappy horse, then abandon it, lasso a new one, and break that bucking bronc to ride so you can gallop off somewhere. This will all take under two minutes.

No, really, I’m serious. Takes like 30 seconds.

Or you could just attract the nearest horse by whistling. Don’t worry, it will be perfectly safe to ride.

The great thing about riding is that you no longer need to obey the rules of common decency. Want to stampede through crowds? Use your town as one big trail challenge course? Steal your neighbor’s horse? Leave your horse to roam the city streets? All in the span of a minute and a half? It’s cool.

Is driving more your thing? Well, you’re in for a bumpy ride. VERY bumpy.

Tack, schmack. English, Western…it’s all basically the same, right? You can even ride a duck for all the difference it makes.

Okay, you’ve wrangled a horse and you’re all tacked up–time to compete, obviously! First things first: You WILL get a refusal if you don’t hit Spacebar at the exact right moment.

At least it’s nearly impossible to go off course, even at the World Equestrian Games at Aachen.

Of course, you can put your horse on auto mode if this is all too difficult.

Everyone knows you can make horses more convenient by programming them.

And you really should, since horses are pretty klutzy on their own.

Horse Nation: 3 Unlikely Pairs Kick Butt at Dressage Finals

This post originally appeared over on our sister site Horse Nation, which posts awesome things like this all the time. If you’re not reading it every day, please ask what you’re doing with your life and then remedy your actions accordingly.

It's Dyna the Wonder Mule!

It’s Dyna the Wonder Mule!

You may remember last weekend’s piece about Laura Hermanson and Heart B Dyna, a dressage mule who achieved scores to make her one of the nation’s top equines at Training level, and in doing so, opened up the door to mules competing at the U.S. Dressage Finals. But Laura and Dyna weren’t the only unorthodox success story this weekend at the U.S. Dressage Finals in Lexington.

Cariann Wlosinski and Rhiannon

Most adult amateurs are no stranger to working a day job and pursuing their horsey dreams by night — but not many reach national competition. Lexington local Cariann Wlosinski is a middle school teacher who “teaches by day and rides by night,” and scored 70.567% this weekend with her homebred Oldenburg mare Rhiannon to win the Second Level Amateur Freestyle class this weekend.

Pony Power

North Forks Cardi, the Welsh Cob stallion who won the Open Grand Prix Freestyle, stands at just 14.3 1/2 hands … but you wouldn’t know it from the power and fluidity of his movement.

“Freestyle is where he really shines — he hears that music and he becomes a big horse. Nobody told him that he’s only 14.3 hands!” said owner/rider Jessica Wisdom. “All he has to do is go out there and be the rock star that he knows he is. And you saw what happens! He has an ego the size of Texas. He seemingly becomes three hands taller and says, ‘watch this.'”

And We Know You’re Wondering About Dyna the Wonder Mule

Dyna and Laura Hermanson put in two respectable Training Level tests, scoring 67.000% in the Training Level Test Three AA/Open and 67.267% in the Training Level Championship Open. What’s next for the dynamic duo?

“I hope to come back next year!” said Laura when we spoke to her before she left for Kentucky. She has two other dressage mules she is currently competing, one at first level and the other at third level.

Nothing against your typical dressage warmblood — making it to the US Dressage Finals is no easy feat whether you’re on an Oldenburg or a mule. But there’s something so special about when an unexpected breed or an unlikely rider works hard and fights their way to the top. How can you not love them?

Go Riding.