We love sharing innovative (and fun!) ways eventers are dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic. Send yours to [email protected]!
Today’s submission comes from EN blogger Julie Howard, whose “Confessions of a ‘Master’ Event Rider” series you can revisit here. Consider this a DIY edition, as Julie explains: “Gentle readers: we ‘master’ (read: ‘old as dirt’) event riders need to save money where we can. When we can’t hobble out to the paddock any more, we all have to retire, right? Which requires a savings account with actual money in it. So I cut costs where I can. With these unprecedented times, resourcefulness is the watchword. I’ve developed some DIY strategies both to save but to keep myself entertained while I’m NOT COMPETING my hair trigger, fire breathing, cross country machine who is incapable of relaxing and doing a decent dressage test OTTB. Combining DIY wit my love for beer (what event rider doesn’t love beer?!) with crafting this handy dandy useful item. What’s not to love?!”
My bit wipe recipe:
Viva paper towels
Empty wipe container, like Clorox wipes
Cut the paper towel roll in half using a serrated knife.
Open a beer.
Using hot water trickling out of the faucet, wet the paper towel roll from the top (so that the center roll is facing the top). Make sure to get the center roll first and wet that thoroughly. Don’t get the paper too wet you can always add more water later. The hotter the water the better the roll will release its glue. This glue does not taste good to your horse. Trust me on this. Once center roll starts to separate from the paper, pull it out carefully.
Drink your second gulp of beer.
Pull a few towels out of the center. Now you can squish the paper roll into the wipes container. You can always use a roll that has been partially used so it is smaller. You needed to wipe up the beer you spilled anyway. Try not to waste beer being all DIY and such.
Survey your handiwork. Congratulate yourself for wrestling the roll into the wipe container by chugging the rest of the beer you didn’t spill. Open another because clearly you didn’t drink a whole one because you spilled it.
Now carefully pour the alcohol (not the beer) onto the top of the paper roll. This helps the wipes not get moldy. Celebrate this simple feat by swilling some hops.
Add some drops of peppermint extract. Your horse will thank you for the peppermint goodness that is now her bit. You’re welcome.
Label your container “bit wipes” (not to be confused with “butt wipes”). Nobody wants a peppermint butt especially sitting in a saddle. Your horse might disagree but don’t give in. You’re in charge, remember.
Survey your handiwork and pat yourself in the back, while simultaneously not spilling any more beer. That sh*t’s valuable and you never know when you’re going to fall off and need an adult beverage to get the courage to get back on the next day.
The wipes are a little fragile (like your ego, you beer spiller). When you use them you’ll need a few and pull them out carefully. Don’t go all whackadoodle on them or they may break and you’ll have a useless ball of sh*tty peppermint paper. You will be mad and nobody needs that negativity in their life. You’ve got enough problems trying to explain your horse obsession to non-believers.
Once you have wiped off your bit, which is the point, now isn’t it Karen?!, you can use these to wipe your hands and be all happy that you’ve disinfected your hands. So what if you have streaks of green slobber on your hands now. Let’s not get all crazy about it since we horse people know you eat sandwiches after cleaning your stall and forget to wash your hands first. No fake news there.
Don’t forget to reward yourself with a nice cold one for surviving another day as a crazy bit wipe making handwiper DIY horse riding goddess that has nothing to do with any tiger king.
Be kind, be safe, and go eventing (someday!)