We announced the 10 Blogger Contest finalists this morning, and now we’re bringing you their awesome entries from Round 1 here on Bloggers Row. I will be posting all 10 entries over the next few days, so be sure to check them out and leave your feedback in the comments.
All entries will be reprinted without editing for fairness’ sake. Thanks again for your support and readership, EN! We are so thrilled to have such quality entries this year.
Entrant: Wendy Angel
Bio: Wendy Angel, 35 is a recovering weenie newbie eventer who tries to not be a disgrace to the sport every time she rides, but she never takes herself too seriously. She and her luggy Percheron/TB cross (the TB part is hiding….) Ollie live in Atlanta, where she works in marketing. Since she’s soon moving to Texas, she might try her hand at some pole bending or something, but is afraid Ollie’s giant head might get stuck between poles.
Entry:
Eventing…. such a beautiful sport, full of poetry in motion. The harmony of horse and rider through the three phases of eventing is like a work of art. Inspired by this poetic force that is eventing and its riders, I present to you a set of Eventing Haikus that are representative of the class and dignity that we embody as a whole.
Why is dressage first
Horse is a spooky beast
I’m going to go drink
It has rained for weeks
No jumping practice for me
Might get yellow card
First BN event
Paid a million bucks for this
Horse throws a shoe
Why do we wear white?
Seriously, why do we?
We are so stupid
In first, post dressage
Stadium, no penalties
Then I go off course
Bought new dressage tack
Then my horse grew like a lot
I guess I’ll go drink
Flying by pants seats
At unrated shows
Trainers need more meds
Horse stepped out of ring
Then I was disqualified
He totally knew
Horse eating his hay
I come back in five minutes
He is playing dead
Dressage is stupid
Says my off the track gelding
Why can’t I go fast?
A weenie rider
And my horse is green as grass
I guess I’ll go drink
Dressage judge was nice
With her “fairly straight” comment
Looked like wet noodle
I just went off course
By jumping a bigger jump
My balls are on fire
Insanity now
And insanity later
We over achieve
My horse is a draft
But I’m only 5’2″
Guess I’ll get spurs
My horse gets new shoes
I don’t get new anything
He knows he’s in charge
I just changed my shirt
I look so damn hot in this
Here comes the green froth
I walked my course thrice
Walk confidently in ring
Crap I just forgot
Horse hates the water
We approach hesitantly
Aaaahhh we are launching
Have a grey gelding
Is fond of his pee pillow
He’s so disgusting
Why you all braiding?
It is just a schooling show
Making me look bad
Moves like sewing ‘chine
Has a giant doofy head
But packs me around
Why do they not have
Rolex Novice Division?
Would rock that shiz-nay
My gelding so thinks
He has the moves like Jagger
He moves like seizure
All my money gone
But I’m happy eventer
I guess I’ll go drink.
