Louise Romeike and Caspian 15 — and the formidable beauty of Bramham House. Photo by Tilly Berendt.
For those of us who live in, um, the ‘business end’ of the United Kingdom, it’s no hop, skip, and a jump to get to the Defender Bramham Horse Trials, which is tucked — as much as a palatial estate can be tucked — into West Yorkshire. That’s up in the top bit, if you’re American and reading this. For me, from just south of London, it’s five hours on our great (?) nation’s least inspiring motorways, which also stacks up to about seven Costa Coffee drive-throughs, three frantic wee breaks, eight podcast episodes, and one (1) roadside sex shop called, inexplicably, Pulse & Cocktails, which leers at you from the side of the M1 and lets you know that you’re nearly at the event, and also that they have some latex arseless chaps on sale for a really good price at the moment, if you happen to be a rider in need of some more working attire for the week.
But all of that fades into insignificance when you finally arrive — somehow needing a wee again, damn it — in the grounds of the estate. Bramham, which has been around since the late 1600s, give or take, and thus has probably seen worse and weirder things than latex arseless chaps, is one of those crown jewels of the now heading-towards-defunct British aristocracy scene. You know the kind: hundreds and hundreds of acres of rolling hills and tree-lined avenues, maintained enough to flourish but with that light hand that doesn’t push anything to overmanicured; a golden limestone behemoth of a manor house, all classical columns and archways, twinkling away at the centre of it all, somehow reflecting sunlight even when it’s raining. And, this week, the biggest, toughest, and perhaps most prestigious CCI4*-L in the world, turning it all into a playground for the clinically deranged and the sort of people who like to cheer on the clinically deranged.
Austin O’Connor and Ventura Rock. Photo by Tilly Berendt.
This afternoon saw that CCI4*-L feature class get underway in (slightly mad) style. 54 horses and riders presented to the ground jury of Christian Steiner (AUT), Nikki Herbert (GBR), and James Rooney (IRL), though fairly swiftly, that number diminished by one. That was Austin O’Connor‘s Ventura Rock, one of two intended rides in the class this week, who was an early hold and, ultimately, was withdrawn without re-presenting.
Emma Hyslop-Webb and Jeweetwel. Photo by Tilly Berendt.
Two further horses were sent to the holding box during the inspection: British-based US rider Rowan Laird made the long walk over with Sceilig Concordio, as did Great Britain’s Emma Hyslop-Webb and Jeweetwel, but both were happily accepted into the competition upon representation.
Rowan Laird and Sceilig Concordio. Photo by Tilly Berendt.
Anyway, whatever, horses schmorses; let’s talk about CLOTHES.
It became clear quite quickly that something was up at this first horse inspection. Our first handful of riders turned up looking, well, normal: suits, jackets, nice dresses, some fairly mad green trousers for newly-minted World Number One Harry Meade, but frankly, he always has mad trousers. But then the normally staid Tom McEwen appeared looking like a divorced dad heading for a midlife crisis in Benidorm, with a short-sleeved floral-print shirt and a — ugh, I can barely even bring myself to write it — bucket hat, and we all privately thought that maybe he’d just been allowed to choose his own clothes today and that was maybe a shame but also nice for him, I guess.
He wasn’t alone, though. There wasn’t many of them: five, or six, perhaps, but there was enough: bucket hats, flower crowns, wellies and shorts, a general air of breakfast beers and puking in rhythm to a Sam Fender song in a field with 100,000 of one’s closest friends.
“There seems to be a memo that we haven’t been given,” said announcer John Kyle.
Same, Kylie Roddy. Same. Photo by Tilly Berendt.
Indeed. Apparently, what had happened was this: someone on the Bramham team, finding themselves plagued by a sudden burst of inspiration, sent out a mass message to the riders yesterday, cheerily letting them know that the theme for this year’s trot-up was to be ‘Festival Vibes’, presumably in honour of the Leeds Festival that’s held here every summer, allowing the north’s teenagers to learn about alcohol poisoning and hand stuff. A lovely idea! Except, of course, for the fact that trot-ups never have themes (despite my best attempts to turn the Pau trot-up into a Halloween one) and all the riders were already on site, weeping into their Holland Cooper boxes.
Tom Crisp and Lachain Jack. Photo by Tilly Berendt.
The handful that did manage it, though, displayed some creative thinking and raided their lorries, which leaves many of us with some questions about why Best-Dressed Man winner Tom Crisp has a flower crown in his eventing kit and where Tom McEwen reckons he’s going to wear that shirt.
Daisy Berkeley and Diese du Figuier. Photo by Tilly Berendt.
Best-Dressed Woman Daisy Berkeley looked as though she’d waited her whole career for this moment, so I’m not sure if she was dressing to the theme or had always actually planned to look like a Band-Aid in Almost Famous, but either way, I dig it and so did the HiHo Silver judging panel, and that’s really all that matters, I think.
Gaspard Maksud opts in for furry representation at the Bramham first horse inspection. Photo by Tilly Berendt.
Then, of course, there was British-based Frenchman Gaspard Maksud, who seems to have a beleaguered beret maker locked in his basement, because today he debuted a fox-eared hat that’s actually probably also available to buy at the sex shop on the M1, now that I think about it. Again, probably not aiming for the ‘theme’, here: Gaspard’s previous insane hat efforts have included a golf course on his head.
His fellow countryman, Camille Lejeune, also sported a delightful accessory: pinned haphazardly to his chest was a jolly pink rosette, proudly proclaiming that ‘IT IS MY BIRTHDAY’. Nabbed, presumably, from the children’s birthday card section of the nearest Tesco Express.
Camille Lejeune: EET EEZ HEEZ BIRTHDAY! Photo by Tilly Berendt.
And so, in conclusion: fashion! Horses! A slew of strange decisions! What a note on which to start this year’s renewal of the event.
Tomorrow, we’ll head into the dressage bit, which might actually feel like something of a let-down after all this excitement, but we’ll do our best for you. The CCI4*-L will begin at 10:30 a.m. (5.30 a.m. EST) with Ireland’s Padraig McCarthy and Lady Ophelia first up to bat, while the CCI4*-S starts at 9.30 a.m. (4.30 a.m. EST) with Great Britain’s Michael Owen and Monbeg Gold Dust trailblazing. The prestigious under-25 class, formerly held as a separate CCI4*-L class, still exists, though in a new iteration: it’s now running as part of the CCI4*-S, with competitors mixed into the overall timetable, and separate prizes to be awarded.
“Actually, mate, we’re dressing like we vote the other way today.” — Philip Surl to Matt Heath, maybe. Photo by Tilly Berendt.
Unfortunately, there isn’t any livestream for the next two days, but Horse&Country TV will be broadcasting all the showjumping and cross-country action over the weekend — so keep it locked onto EN for all the news you need from this year’s Defender Bramham Horse Trials. Until tomorrow: Go Eventing! Or go to Leeds Festival, if you’re into that. Chappell Roan’s headlining it.
Defender Bramham links: Website | Ride Times and Scores | Cross-Country Course | Live-Stream | EN’s Coverage
