ABC’s hit romance reality series The Bachelor shocked audiences last night when it announced the star of next season: Eventing Nation’s very own Chinch.
“We felt like it was time to take the show in a different direction and express some real diversity,” the show’s producers explained in a press conference. “What better way to do that than bring in a celebrity chinchilla who already has a large female fan base?”
For his audition tape, Chinch sent in a highlight reel of his world travels, which have included several trips abroad to four-stars in Europe. He noted that he enjoys deep conversation, holding paws and long walks on cross-country courses, especially if he’s being carried in someone’s shirt.
“I’m a cultured, adventurous guy,” he explains. “People see these photos of me out there on the open road, roaming the world with my passport, and they think that I’m this free-spirited playboy who doesn’t want to be tied down. But the truth is, I’m a hopeless romantic. I’ve been chasing the one thing that’s been missing in my life — true love — for so long now. I just feel ready to take that next step.”
Chinch explains that he’s attempted online dating, but that being matched up with individuals with similar dating profiles hasn’t yielded much success.
“It always starts out the same,” he says. “I think we’re hitting it off; it’s good for a while …”
“…but eventually they start stepping all over me, or worse, I get chewed up and spit out.”
He’s tried the stuffed animal route as well but admits that “there was just no connection.”
Chinch hopes that venturing outside the chinchilla dating pool will help him find his true soul mate — although he’s gotten burned in that realm, too.
“Women flock to me at these events, everywhere I go,” he explains. “They seem so into me, like, ‘Ooh, let’s snuggle!’ But really they’re just using me to get a cute photo for Instagram. I know I shouldn’t take it personally, but when it just keeps happening over and over again, it’s hard not to let it get to you.”
“I just want someone who will love and accept me for who I am: a fun-loving and sexy yet caring and sensitive chinchilla who has a lot to offer the right lady,” he says with a sigh. “I’m looking forward to finding that someone on ‘The Bachelor,’ and when I do, I won’t hesitate to give them my rose.”