This Horse For Trade/Sale Ad Is Next-Level Hilarious

Photo courtesy of Amanda Stodghill‎.

From the Ohio Horses For Sale, Lease or Adoption Facebook page comes this painfully honest ad for Josie, a 4-year-old OTTB who seems like … an interesting project. Enjoy!

“STILL AVAILABLE!

“Still looking to trade my TB filly for something with a penis. I can’t handle females of any species. Are you happy? Are you going to cry? Will this piss you off today? Is the color of my shirt deeply offensive to you? I can’t tell.

“I get males. Literally everything in my life is a male. 4 male children, 1 male husband, 2 male dogs. I get them. They may be dumb but they’re consistently dumb. No surprises there. I don’t like surprises. I like boring. I’m really boring.

“Josie is a 4 year old OTTB, although I’m being generous with that term. She was on the track. She trained. She did not start because she decided the gate or the required speed or the color of her saddle towel were displeasing and that was that. She is super fancy. Big time hunter potential movement. 16h and big bodied, she is starting to fill out and look like a real horse. She came off the track at the beginning of her 3 year old year and then sat around for a year doing absolutely nothing…which she liked. A lot. I restarted her about 2 months ago and her opinion on having a job to do is that she’d rather not. She needs a rider that makes her do it. Once she realizes being a free loader for life isn’t an option, she works nicely. If you let her walk all over you, she will take full advantage and laugh doing it.

“She is sound, currently barefoot, gets along well in a mixed turnout group. Clips, bathes, really likes to eat. She wasn’t born here so she must load. Going w/t/c in a western saddle because I’m cool like that and I like something to hang onto in case she decides I’d look better on the ground. She’s never gotten me off, but she definitely needs a rider that can handle a temper tantrum buck and get after her. She knocks it off if you make her. There is a really nice, fancy horse in there. Deep down. Want a challenge? Like to feel accomplished? Want really impressive before and after videos of how far you’ve brought her? Have at it. Does best with consistent work. I am not consistent. I like to go to the barn without my kids and sit around. Maybe I’ll ride, maybe I won’t. I’ll probably eat instead.

“Looking to trade for a gelding that is sound, at least 16h, and doesn’t want to lawn dart me.

“Will also sell outright for $1500 obo.

“Located in NE Ohio.”