Leslie Wylie
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Ask the Expert: Your #1 Source for Terrible Eventing Advice

 

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Eventing can be a confusing sport. If I had a penny for every time I’ve been confounded by a question like “Who looks good in white breeches, anyway?,” “Will anyone notice if I sub in a different horse for dressage?” or “Why is the TD screaming at me again?,” I could afford to just buy myself a stupid Rolex and call it a day.

Fortunately, however, I have learned from my many, many mistakes. You might even say I’ve grown wise over the years, especially if you don’t know me that well. And now I’m passing the fruit of my failures on to you vis-à-vis EN’s new advice column, Ask Leslie.

The game goes like this: Email your most pressing, important questions about our sport to [email protected], and I’ll try my best to publish a response.

 

11-21-11

Dear Leslie,

I recently acquired a thoroughbred ex-racehorse through the CANTER program that I’m hoping will grow up to be my next eventer. The name he came with is terrible. Do you have any ideas for re-naming him?

Thanks,

At A Loss For Words

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Dear At A Loss,

Congratulations on your new horse. CANTER is an awesome program and ex-racers rule.

You are absolutely correct in choosing to rename your horse. If, like the majority of thoroughbreds, he was fail sauce on the track, that’s baggage he doesn’t need to be carrying with him into his new career as an award-winning event horse. New name, new start.

The fun of naming a horse is, the possibilities are endless. While it’s ultimately up to you to choose a name that suits your horse and his personality, I can at least help provide you with a few pointers to keep in mind:

DO take a lead from the latest naming trends. The surname “Fernhill,” for example, is really big right now: Fernhill This, Fernhill That, Fernhill Nobody Cares. Just because your horse isn’t a super-fancy, expensive Irish import doesn’t mean you can’t lead everyone to believe that he is. “Fernhill” + “Random Word of Your Choice” = serious snoot appeal. Plus, it has the side benefit of royally irritating everyone who actually spent buckets of cash on a real Fernhill horse–hilarious!  

DON’T give him some wussy, Barbie Dream Horse name. You’re not Dakota Fanning, and your horse isn’t the star of a heartwarming Disney movie. Give him a name he’s not going to get beat up in the field for. Monster trucks offer a good, often-overlooked source of names for event horses. Think: Grave Digger, Captain Crusher, Rammunition or Nitro Circus.

DO make ’em laugh. We eventers take ourselves SO seriously, it’s always refreshing to hear over the PA that someone is riding “Buck Naked” or “George Clooney,” to cite two of my favorite examples. “Yo Mama” is another good one–I made that one up myself.  

DON’T be afraid to ask for help. There are a number of random name generators available online that can help broaden your horse-naming horizons. Let’s consider the horse currently leading the SmarkPak Horse of the Year leaderboard: Can’t Fire Me. This is a pretty typical dumb horse name. If Becky had only thought to plug that same name into a name generator, she could be riding Seal-breath Graybeard (pirate name), Avalon Ghostfire (fantasy name), Ho-slapp tha Balla (gangsta name), The White Blur (superhero name) or–here’s a good one for your new OTTB–El Dragon Picante (Mexican wrestling name… it translates to “The Spicy Dragon.”)

Well, that’s all the terrible advice I am legally allowed to dispense this week. Hope it helps, and good luck!

Leslie

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Have a question for the “expert”? Email it to [email protected].   

Meet the Merle-Smiths, America’s Most Saddle-chaffed Family

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Nicolette & Ganymede at the Hagyard Midsouth Three-Day Event CCI* in Oct. 2011
Photo by Maggie Dupler, used with permission

Foxhunters and eventers have plenty in common, most notably a preoccupation with mad dashes across the countryside. However, while crossover between the two sports certainly happens, it’s hardly en masse. Eventers worry that their horse might slip on an acorn and blow a suspensory; foxhunters worry they might have to put away their flasks and learn dressage.

But hasty generalizations (sorry, I couldn’t resist) only go so far in explaining why many riders feel pressured to choose a side. For one, our event season now wraps clear around the calendar–the “off season” no longer exists. Additionally, not every event horse can moonlight as a hunt horse and vice-versa. And finally, let’s face it, hunting across natural terrain is inherently less predictable, and by extension less safe, than galloping on a manicured, aerated cross-country course.

Some eventers, however, have found a way to incorporate both sports into their training program. Last year I had the pleasure of hunting alongside one family that bears dual citizenship. The Merle-Smiths of Louisa, Va., have been in the business of producing quality horses for the hunt field and beyond for over 30 years.

Grosvenor Merle-Smith is the huntsman of the family, with a resume that includes having been Master of Golden Vale Hunt in Ireland, Bull Run Hunt in Va. and, presently, Tennessee Valley Hunt. His wife Rosemarie has competed in A-rated hunters and jumpers, evented through Preliminary and is a joint-Master at Tennessee Valley. Daughter Nicolette, age 24, assists with her parent’s breeding, training and sales operation while juggling whipping-in and eventing at the one-star level.

“My parents are what keep me going,” Nicolette says. “I thought a little while back that I wanted to go off on my own and do this, but the combination of my mom, my dad and I… we have this trifecta. I really like the trio we’ve got going to make horses and sell them. We’re always asking each other for advice.”

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A day at the hunt: Grosvenor, Nicolette and Rosemarie Merle-Smith.

While Grosvenor sticks close to the hunting (“My dad doesn’t ride unless he’s hunting–he’s mostly a hound guy,” Nicolette says), Nicolette enjoys eventing and is perhaps the most old-fashioned young person participating in the sport. Having grown up in the hunt field, she values a horse that’s as diehard as she is.  

 “The hunting has made her very brave,” her mother says. “You can put any cross-country course in front of her, she just doesn’t care.”

Nicolette agrees that having the opportunity to hunt–stateside as well as in Ireland and Australia–has been a great teacher. “There’s nothing that can prepare you for cross-country like foxhunting,” she says. “There are so many variables you have to deal with without somebody right there saying ‘Sit up’ or ‘Lean back’ or ‘Slip your reins.’ You have to figure it out yourself.” 

It’s not uncommon for Nicolette to have two or three horses running at an event, but her favorite mount is Ganymede, a 14.2-hh Connemara pony mare. Most recently they tackled the one-star track at the Hagyard Midsouth Three-day Event.

“She’s special for sure,” Nicolette says. “She doesn’t realize she’s a pony. I have to whoa her in the triple combinations.”

Nicolette describes Ganymede as a cross-country machine but says the spitfire mare hasn’t always been as gutsy as she is today. The first time Nicolette pointed Ganymede at a cross-country jump, she stopped 30 feet away, spun and bolted in the opposite direction. Nicolette solved the problem by introducing Ganymede to the hunt, where she quickly gained confidence following the field over jumps.

“Taking the young horses hunting makes them brave and more aware of where they’re going,” Rosemarie explains. “It’s also very good for teaching balance.”

The Merle-Smiths incorporate trail-riding on the farm into their babies’ early education, then take them out cubbing when they’re coming 4-year-olds to see if they can handle hunting. Not all horses are mentally or physically cut out for the hunt field, Rosemarie says, but those who are can reap the benefits of hunting–including the development of that elusive “fifth leg”–no matter what their niche in life.

As for the question of risk, the Merle-Smiths agree that accident-prone horses might find the hunt field treacherous. “Some horses can hurt themselves in a padded stall,” Rosemarie points out. But for the handy ones, hunting may actually lead to longer careers and fewer soundness problems.

The reasons for this are multifold. First, the sport isn’t all about galloping willy-nilly through the woods; a big chunk of the average hunt is spent walking, trotting or even standing around as the hounds work up a scent. In eventing that’s what we call long, slow distance work, the basis for a solid conditioning program. And fit horses, like any athletes, are less likely to injure themselves.  

Rosemarie also subscribes to the theory that conditioning over varied terrain, as opposed to, say, the perimeter of a flat pasture, goes a long way toward toughening up legs. Consider a marathon runner who trains primarily on a track or the streets, and then decides to go on a trail run. He is more likely to trip or roll an ankle than a regular trail runner because his legs and feet aren’t accustomed to making adjustments for irregularities in the ground. Hunting a horse over rugged terrain can help develop stability and a quickness of foot that could prove invaluable in the eventing arena.

“I heard David O’Connor comment once that there’s something eventers are missing that they could learn from foxhunters,” Rosemarie says. “These hunt horses, they basically go run a one-star twice a week, and nobody is wrapping their legs afterwards or keeping then locked in a stall, and yet they stay sound season after season. You see so many over-managed event horses, and it seems like the more you protect them the more they get hurt.”

Nicolette says she sees no need to compartmentalize her riding life. She’ll continue hunting her family’s horses for another couple months, then head to Ocala to catch some events and hopefully get some face-time with the master pony jockey, Karen O’Connor.

But if there was a gun to her head, which would she choose? “Hunting,” Nicolette says without hesitation. “I’m a foxhunter at heart. But I’m blessed to be able to do both.”

Ask The Expert: Your #1 Source for Terrible Eventing Advice

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Eventing can be a confusing sport. If I had a penny for every time I’ve been confounded by a question like “Who looks good in white breeches, anyway?,” “Will anyone notice if I sub in a different horse for dressage?” or “Why is the TD screaming at me again?,” I could afford to just buy myself a stupid Rolex and call it a day.

Fortunately, however, I have learned from my many, many mistakes. You might even say I’ve grown wise over the years, especially if you don’t know me that well. And now I’m passing the fruit of my failures on to you vis-à-vis EN’s new advice column, Ask Leslie.

The game goes like this: Email your most pressing, important questions about our sport to [email protected], and I’ll try my best to publish a response.

 

11-14-11

Dear Leslie,
I am an ex-eventer and have a son who competes at the Intermediate level of the sport! My question is, how do I MIND MY OWN BUSINESS and just be his mom and NOT his “coach” especially when I think I know what to say to him to fix it! I am very supportive of my son but drive everyone crazy with my input including my son! He has the best trainers in the sport and I totally trust and adore them! I always worry about his safety and I think that’s why I give input!
I love this sport and try to contribute my time and know-how at shows by helping out. I ring steward, jump judge and try to participate anyway I can. I have always taught him to do his best in life at anything he does and that his best is enough! Now I need to take my own advice and let him do his best and trust that the process works!!!  Sometimes I wish I was like many other parents who didn’t really understand what they were watching! As my boyfriend always says, “If the rider can keep the horse between them and the ground, it’s a great ride!”
Yours truly,
Frustrated Mom
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Dear Frustrated Mom,
I can tell by your excessive use of exclamation marks that you are, indeed, very frustrated. The bad news is: You’re acting like a crazy psycho-mom. The good news is: You’re cognizant of this and willing to make a change.
The first thing you should know is, you’re not alone. Many parents have found themselves in a similar situation, watching in horror as what began as an innocent affection for ponies mutates into a full-fledged obsession with a sport predicated on racing at high speeds toward large, solid obstacles. Remember, though, that while eventing may not be as safe a hobby as, say, playing World of Warcraft in the basement, at least your kid’s out there doing something worthwhile.  
In your letter you lament the fact that, being an ex-eventer and active volunteer, you actually know what’s going on. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Informed parents are less likely to send their child to the start box mounted on a homicidal quarter horse named Skippy Dog Food they found in the Bargain Mart for $300 with a VHS copy of Sylvester filling in as coach. Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything. But it sounds like you’re taking all the appropriate measures to ensure that your son is competing in a safe, educated manner.
Now let’s talk about those pesky control-freak tendencies of yours. Rather than repressing that urge to “help,” try instead to channel it. Go crazy on the jump-judging, hire yourself out as a braider, or cater a gourmet lunch for the entire barn aisle. The busier you can keep yourself, the less time and energy you’ll have for annoying the crap out of everyone around you.
 As a last ditch resort, many eventing moms have discovered that a nice cocktail can take the edge off an otherwise nerve-wracking cross-country morning. Here the secret recipe for one of my favorites, “Leslie’s Famous Breakfast Margarita.”
Ingredients:
Orange or pineapple juice
Ice
Tequila
(Note: Juice & ice are optional.)
Directions:
Mix, drink and repeat until your son is safely through the finish flags.     
Good luck!
Leslie

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Have a question for the “expert”? Email it to [email protected].