Instructions for Bubble Wrapping Your Horse

We’re all familiar with the old adage of wrapping our horses in bubble wrap before a big event. With Rolex right around the corner, I’m sure most if not all of the riders are watching their horses like hawks and praying to George Morris that their trusty steed stays fit and healthy through next weekend. Are you a bit clueless on the art that is bubble wrapping your horse? Never fear, Lindsey Kahn has provided some great illustrations on how to accomplish this feat.

Illustrations by Lindsey Kahn.

Illustrations by Lindsey Kahn

Step 1: Stock Up

Go to Wal-Mart and buy as much bubble wrap as you can get your hands on. Buying the entire stock the store has, including whatever is in the back room, is perfectly acceptable. Ignore all raised eyebrows and snickers of ridicule as you proudly push your caravan of shopping carts to the checkout and drop approximately $300 on said bubble wrap. Only the best for your horse, right?

bubble wrap 2Step 2: The Wrap Process

Distract horse with carrots/apples/marshmallow Peeps/any sort of treat. When horse is sufficiently distracted, begin bubble wrap process. Work quickly before your horse can swish its tail or stomp an impatient leg, lest you lose some of the airtight wrap job you are working so hard to achieve. I prefer to start from the bottom and work my way up, but you can use your discretion depending on the shape of your horse. Be sure to cover all necessary appendages (read: the entire body) to prevent injury to so much as an eyelash. If you end up covering your horse’s eyes, not to worry — as long as the horse stays immobile for the entirety of the bubble wrap period, he won’t need to see anything anyway.

bubble wrap 3Step 3: Final Check

Take a step back and do a once-over to ensure that you didn’t miss any vital parts of your horse. At this point, if the wrap job is done correctly, your horse should resemble a giant marshmallow. Be sure to leave ears and nostrils free so that your horse can still use at least some of its senses. Feel free to also bubble wrap each hoof individually if your horse is prone to hoof injury. Also, be sure to take plenty of photos during and after the process so that you can show your friends how well protected your horse is from any sort of injury.

Last but not least, stay safe, have fun, and kick some butt at Rolex!

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